January 16th, 2013 by admin

34 Comments

Banding Together As A Family

Banding Together As A Family

Tana Flowers

At A Glance

Married to Brandon Flowers, the frontman of an internationally-known rock band, Tana and her husband spend much of their time apart. To combat the common consequences of a public career, mother their three boisterous boys, and maintain intimacy in her marriage, Tana builds upon the skills she learned during her conversion to the gospel nine years ago by asking the Lord and listening to the Spirit for answers to the questions in her everyday life.

 Your husband grew up in an LDS family. What was his influence on your conversion and what was your conversion experience like?

I’m not going to give him too much credit. Brandon, when we met, was 20 and I was 20. He wasn’t church-going. It’s really weird to talk about how I found the church, because it’s almost like it found me in a way. Being around Brandon’s family, I knew they were Mormon, but nobody was in my face about it. I didn’t feel like there was anything wrong with not being LDS. Brandon was in a band with The Killers’ guitarist when we met. Their band started moving along, and we started to drift apart a bit. We were still dating when I had this moment when I was driving and I just heard a voice say, “Read the Book of Mormon.” Which was a weird thing, because I wasn’t even thinking about that. But I felt a rush, like this was a good idea. It felt like that was the right thing to do, like, this is a chance—take it. So that night, I asked Brandon’s mom for a Book of Mormon. She gave me a Book of Mormon that Brandon’s dad meant to give to someone else, so it had his testimony in it, which was interesting to read. So I started reading the Book of Mormon, and I was just like, this is it. I’m so thankful to be a convert because the emotions I get from the Book of Mormon and the experiences I have are so new. I feel like in my experience with the church, we are all individuals, and that is one of the things I believe most strongly. Heavenly Father knew how to get to me, and He just gave me that chance.

I feel so weird talking about my conversion because it doesn’t always make sense. Brandon will tell you, I was the furthest thing away from a Mormon; it was almost like dating me was a rebellion against everything he was taught growing up. I grew up with a crazy family. When I met Brandon and his family I thought, you have parents and brothers and sisters who spend time together? It was all new. The Church was new. Everything was new

So in raising your kids, do you feel like you have good examples? How do you navigate through parenting?

I couldn’t imagine being a mom without the Church. I can’t see it. Before I was a member of the Church, I had no intention of having children. I hadn’t seen families work out yet. There’s a John Bytheway talk I like to listen to and it says that you have the ability to change things for generations. And I just hope I do that for my kids. So it’s a lot of prayer and reading. Being a mom is such a weird blessing because it’s a lot of mini-trials throughout the day. It’s like, am I going to get mad about this or this? But at the same time, I can’t imagine having as much growth as a person without being a mom—spiritually and growing up. It gives me confidence, too. I have that peace of being happy with myself, being happy with my choices, being happy with who I am because of the Church. Motherhood isn’t really something I need to navigate because if I stay on my path, I feel comfortable.

I have that peace of being happy with myself, being happy with my choices, being happy with who I am because of the Church.

How do you feel like you learn your path? What feelings do you feel when you know you are on the right path?

I just feel comfortable. I feel happy, I feel settled. I tend to be an anxious person, so when I feel anxious, I know that I need to fix something. So I ask Heavenly Father what it is that needs to be fixed, and I go through everything it could possibly be. It could be something simple, like it’s a pain to wash my face upstairs in the morning because the kids are awake—let’s just figure it out. So I’ll wash my face downstairs. I’m always trying to figure out how to make my actions easier and better. I just feel weird being so blessed to be at a point in my life where I can finally feel peace and feel calm and not have such chaos around me.

So when you do feel anxious or discouraged, what do you find helps you?

Oh, it’s hard. Sometimes, I’ll have a real problem with anxiety. It’s kind of tough because it’s medical and I have the symptoms. It’s hard to deal with. In the past I would go out for a run by myself, but I don’t have babysitters that will come and watch the kids that early in the morning. I always fall back on asking for answers in my prayers. One of my questions is: Do I need to take medicine right now or do I not need to take medicine right now to get through this?

Artwork by son Ammon

After I had Henry, I kind of went into a dip and got depressed. It was hard. It has to be something about having three kids in such a short amount of time. I probably did something; I probably tripped some wire and shorted a fuse in my brain somewhere! So I was having a really hard time struggling with that because I’m typically a happy, outgoing person. And then when I feel like that part of me is dimming, I get stressed, because I think, wait, that’s not who I am and I can’t feel like who I am right now because I’m having these symptoms. So after having Henry, I prayed about it. I always feel like my answers to my prayers zigzag: I get taken around a loop before I accept something that’s a little more out there than I would initially accept. So my loop was, I went to the doctor and got medicine, even though I don’t like being on the medicine because part of me feels like I’m giving something up. So I thought, there has to be some other way. I started looking at holistic solutions and herbal medications, so now I take herbal medicines and drink herbal teas. It works better for me. Heavenly Father knew I wasn’t going to go into an herbal store and say, “I’m here!” So he gave me the opportunity to find the answer for myself, which led me to take another risk. It’s so amazing the direction things go. So basically, to handle my anxiety, I ask questions and I just get led around and I try to listen.

I always fall back on asking for answers in my prayers.

With your family apart a lot of the time, how do you maintain unity?

That is hard. For instance, Ammon made a present today and it has Brandon’s picture on it, and Henry sometimes freaks out and wants his dad. Ammon has a really hard time—he’s anxious too—so he had a hard time at school when it started. He had separation issues. I’ll bring up Brandon’s absence myself to the kids and say, “I miss Daddy right now.” So I just try to let them know it’s okay to feel what they feel and to say it. It’s hard, but at the same time, I can’t complain. My husband has a good job. I think everybody has those challenges with jobs and other demands. It’s just something we all deal with. And I’ve been doing it for so long—being away from him — so it’s not really that big of a deal anymore. My personality does well with some time apart from my husband. Plus, I still get butterflies when I’m around my husband, which is great!

So what helps you deal with the distance in your marriage?

I don’t really deal with the outside world. I don’t ever go on the computer.  I don’t have a Facebook account; my husband and I are adamant about no Facebook. I have friendships, but I don’t seek friendships online. My husband is concerned about privacy with his work, of course, but I know he’s concerned for us too. So we just work on the relationships we already have more than seeking others. We have a really close circle of people around us. We’re not popular, so that helps our marriage. It’s more intimate for us. We don’t have friendships that take time from each other. Also, if my husband were not an active member of the Church, I would not be married to him. I just couldn’t do it, because I would not be married to a guy in a band on the road unless I knew what he believed in, and he stood his ground. I think having trust in my husband and his faith and knowing how strong his faith is definitely helps. I never feel preoccupied about what he is or is not doing. Heavenly Father blesses women. We have sensors and we know what’s going on. Brandon and I both work hard for our family and that’s our job.

Heavenly Father blesses women. We have sensors and we know what’s going on. Brandon and I both work hard for our family and that’s our job.

Is there an experience you fall back on when you are in need of more faith?

When I was little, I had experiences growing up when I was really, really frightened and I remember feeling comforted, like I was going to be okay. I remember just being little and feeling that peace and the calmness. There were scary situations. My mom had a really abusive husband. Now when I think about it, I can’t believe I wasn’t more terrified of these things. That feeling that I was going to be okay and I wasn’t going to be hurt is a testimony to me that when you need it, Heavenly Father will speak to you. You’ll hear something. I just listen to little things. I listen and I’m always trying to hear. Listening has always been kind of natural to me in a weird way but now that I’m a member of the Church, I understand where that comes from. All along I’ve had help and I’ve had Heavenly Father’s love with me.

At A Glance

Tana Flowers


Location:
Las Vegas, NV

Marital status:
Married

Occupation:
Mother

Children:
Ammon (5), Gunnar (3), and Henry (1)

Interview by Jessica Tingey Hansen.

34 Comments

  1. Judi
    12:08 pm on January 16th, 2013

    Great interview. Loved the answer to the last question. So grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who will guide us even when we don’t know we’re being led.

  2. Jessica Hansen
    12:20 pm on January 16th, 2013

    From the Interview Producer: Tana is a gem and was wonderful to talk with. She is very down-to-earth and radiates humility and gratitude.

  3. Di
    12:58 pm on January 16th, 2013

    she is a beautiful soul – thanks for sharing this great mother’s story!

  4. Nadia
    1:36 pm on January 16th, 2013

    It’s so refreshing to hear how she is working hard for her family, above all else. Being a mother is enough for her, she doesn’t need cyber friendships or a blog to feel complete. She is a mother, and a darn good one at that! Motherhood rocks (excuse the pun:)

  5. Suzanne
    1:57 pm on January 16th, 2013

    What a beautiful person Tana is! I love how she and Brandon have so much trust in each other and how her perspective as a wife is not resentful of his career at all. What an empowering gift to give your spouse. I just loved this whole thing. Thanks so much!

  6. Jacob Hawken
    3:01 pm on January 16th, 2013

    You not having a facebook page would explain why you didn’t respond to my messages. It wasn’t you! :)

    I taught you the discussions when I was on my mission in Las Vegas, and tried to contact you through facebook a while back to say hi. Now I’m not so sad about you not responding, haha. I’m glad to hear that things are going well and that the gospel is still a big part of your life.

  7. Ahlin Griffith
    3:29 pm on January 16th, 2013

    I so loved reading this and really aspire to have the faith that Tana has. She seems so sweet and so stalwart. I really look up to her and her husband’s examples.

  8. Chrysula
    6:15 pm on January 16th, 2013

    I love the theme of listening and asking and listening and asking that runs through your narrative!

  9. Harley
    7:22 pm on January 16th, 2013

    I’m such a fan of these guys. I love how Tana many personal things with us. Thank you, Tana, you and your family are inspiring.

  10. K Tingey
    8:29 pm on January 16th, 2013

    Tana is a beautiful woman who seems to have the right balance on God, marriage, and family. I’m happy that I got to read a bit of her story. May we all find strength in each other.

  11. Ann Marie
    8:42 pm on January 16th, 2013

    Brandon is my favorite musician. His lyrics have helped me through healing and grief. I am so grateful for your unselfishness.. so he can keep bringing us the greatest music. I consider myself one of his biggest fans.. and after reading this article.. I’m sure much of what makes him so great is because of you. Thanks for sharing him and your testimony with the world! I wish you the best!

  12. Alyssa
    8:52 pm on January 16th, 2013

    Thanks do much for sharing your story, Tana. I especially appreciate your candor about your anxiety. I love the idea of using anxiety as a means of recognizing what needs to be changed in our lives.

  13. Lance
    8:57 pm on January 16th, 2013

    This article was a treat to read. Excellent questions, and fantastic answers. Good reminder to me to remember to look for a spouse that has these important spiritual qualities. Thank you for your example!

  14. Amygreen
    11:20 pm on January 16th, 2013

    Tana,

    I sometimes forget the sacrifices people make to share their talent with the world. I loved this article, and I love the fact that you have so much faith in Heavenly Father and trust in your marriage. Thank you for sharing Brandon’s God given talent with the world.. Behind every great man, stands a strong woman. I’m sure many people appreciate how honest and sincere this article is. Much love and respect for your entire family.

  15. Abi
    6:54 am on January 17th, 2013

    Thank you so much for your frank, honest and open answers Tana. It’s incredibly uplifting to hear that other women in such varied circumstances can share such commonality in purpose and experience.
    Thank you for sharing your story and testimony.

  16. Cameron clark
    9:46 am on January 17th, 2013

    Good read! Loved your comments and insight. I’ve been a killers fan since day one. You have a great and unique family. Keep it up!

  17. Chris
    10:42 am on January 17th, 2013

    So patient and grounded and faithful. Uplifting interview. Thank you.

  18. Melody
    12:05 pm on January 17th, 2013

    Beautiful. Thank you. God bless.

  19. Michelle
    1:47 pm on January 17th, 2013

    She is strong and such a good example to even me, who doesn’t have a husband in a rock band. I was a fan of the band before I knew anything about Brandon. I have met him (at an aftershow party with my sister and husband) and he seems so genuine and down to earth. Great story! Thank you.

  20. Amy Jones
    4:25 pm on January 17th, 2013

    Great interview! Loved it.

  21. Marleen
    9:52 pm on January 17th, 2013

    Thank you for speaking from your heart. Your faith and trust in our Heavenly Father reminded me I can have the utmost confidence in Him…and I needed to be reminded. Anxiety is a painful state to live in. I felt so grateful reading about your journey. Thank you again for sharing.

  22. Merlyn
    8:37 am on January 18th, 2013

    Beautiful, articulate interview showing love and faith in our Heavenly Father and how it so wonderfully effects your life.

  23. Małgorzata
    3:43 pm on January 19th, 2013

    I’m so happy to read that!

    Thank You for being such a great inspiration! You are beautiful person Tana. I will try to remember all those wise words. I’m a huge fan of Brandon, and now of You too ;)
    All the best x

  24. Strollerblader
    7:41 pm on January 22nd, 2013

    Ha! I started off my day today with Brandon Flowers’ “Magdalena” and was thinking, I should listen to more of his stuff on Spotify! What a great interview. I had heard that Brandon was Mormon, but I wasn’t sure how Mormon he is now. It’s fabulous to hear that he’s married to a wonderful woman, has 3 sons, and is an active Mormon. Thanks for sharing a glimpse of your life, Tana!

    – From up in Carson City

  25. Mormon Women Project: Tana Flowers | Difficult Run
    7:02 am on January 24th, 2013

    [...] a big fan of The Mormon Women Project in general, and I particularly liked last week’s interview with Tana Flowers. Tana Flowers has a very famous husband (Brandon Flowers, you might have heard him on your radio), [...]

  26. RebelDiamond
    5:25 pm on January 27th, 2013

    What an inspiring woman! I really appreciate her open mind, her desire to serve God, and her efforts to be a strong mother and wife. I’ve also had some problems with anxiety, so I’m grateful to hear of her experiences and to learn how I can deal with it the way she does. I’m also grateful for her husband and his life-changing music. I’m definitely one of the Killers biggest fans. ;) Brandon’s lyrics/music has helped me keep going many times, especially during times of trial. So thank you, Tana, for supporting your husband and for being an amazing daughter of God! Great interview!

  27. Megan
    3:29 pm on February 7th, 2013

    This interview was incredibly candid and interesting (thanks for that!) My husband and 2 young children are Catholic, but I am non-denominational Christian. I’m considering joining a church; but am having a hard time “getting on board” with the Catholic faith. I’ve been considering Mormonism and Tana’s words here were very enlightening and helpful. I seem to always need the extra help from God in my daily tasks as a mother (Calgon, take me away!). Being that her husband is away for work so often, she must really have a strong viewpoint on her faith and how it helps her as a stay-at-home Mom. Converting is a daunting and scary prospect for me (especially in terms of my husband and his side of the family.) I wish I could privately talk to Tana more about it!

  28. Friday Music: The Killers | Difficult Run
    7:17 am on February 15th, 2013

    [...] also really enjoyed hearing Tana Flowers, Brandon’s wife, share her side of the story in her interview for the Mormon Women Project. Their kids are named Ammon, Gunnar, and Henry. I’m loving all three varieties of Mormonism [...]

  29. Ana
    1:16 pm on March 6th, 2013

    Great interview! Tana you’re such a great example! It’s great to see the strength of women in the gospel! I am so thankful for the gospel and the ability to share our testimonies!

  30. Ana C
    1:17 pm on March 6th, 2013

    Tana you’re awesome! I admire your strength and your testimony!

  31. Jan
    4:17 am on March 27th, 2013

    What a fantastic interview! Thanks for the candor and testimony. Having lots of little kids close together is so hard–I’m right with you, Tana.

  32. Theodora
    6:46 am on April 25th, 2013

    You have a beautiful soul and beautiful kids.
    I think was a good job to know when mormon women (which are presented on the website) their date of birth.

  33. Janneke
    2:50 am on August 13th, 2013

    I would just like to say I loved the interview. I’ve had three children in a short period of time and a husband who’s away a lot for his work, so I recognize what Tana says. I too got depressed, a year after the third was born. Now I am not a religious person, but I appreciate what she had to say about how it helped her. Thanx

  34. Maria Rojas
    12:42 pm on November 2nd, 2013

    I’ll sent this to my mother =)

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