January 8th, 2013 by admin

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An Unfinished Story

An Unfinished Story

Kimberly White

At A Glance

First married at age 18, Kimberly White emerged from an abusive marriage to earn a degree from BYU in philosophy and marry in the temple. She is the mother of five children, one of whom was stillborn, and currently lives in New York City. She shares her thoughts on the unfinished stories of women who struggle with suffering children, the death of a loved one or trials of every kind.

I was raised in the church. I have seven brothers and sisters. Many things about my upbringing were wonderful, and yet not everything was wonderful. There was a constant background noise of never knowing when I was going to be hurt or insulted or ridiculed because of family dynamics.

In my early life I had a number of times when I would feel overwhelmed by the sad part of my life, frustrated and helpless and very, very lonely. It wasn't obvious outside the family that there was a problem. Nobody knew that it was rough. But I felt like everything was horrible, and I knelt down and said a prayer and He answered me, as a young child, with comfort and assurance that He was there and He was watching over me.

Then I became a teenager. The teenage years are complicated and you get stupid. I ended up becoming bitter at my situation and I left the Church and I left my home. I ended up married to a person just like the mean people already in my life. It's a cliché. I was continuing to play out those patterns of abuse.

I became pregnant with my oldest daughter at 18. She was born when I was 19, so I was very young. When I was about 7 months pregnant, I was in a car accident. I started going into labor and at the hospital they told me that if I delivered, the baby probably wouldn't survive so they were going to try to stop the labor, which they ultimately were able to do.

But I was very scared. As I look back now with the eyes of an adult, it's clear to me that the doctor who came into the ER to care for me was respectful and comforting and behaving the way a professional doctor should behave to a young mother in a panic. I really appreciated him, but my husband at the time decided that he was flirting with me, and he became so angry he wouldn't let that doctor come back into the room and actually decided that he wasn't going to let any male doctors anywhere near me. But at the same time, he wouldn't himself take responsibility and tell the nurses and doctors, “I'm mad. Don't let the doctor come back in.” He made me tell the nurse that I didn't want the doctor to come back in, that I didn't want to see a man. This is the sort of life I was living. I was afraid all the time. I was blamed for things that were not my fault.

The baby was born a few months later. That day my husband was mad at me for a number of things, so it was a very unpleasant experience having the baby. After she was born, my husband went home to take a nap, and there I was in the hospital, nineteen years old and alone with this baby that I didn't know what to do with. I thought, “How did this become my life? I'm a smart person! I could have done other things!” It was awful.

For the first time in a long time, I remembered those experiences I had when I was young where I prayed and felt comforted, so I started to say a little prayer, asking God to help me out, and my prayer was interrupted. I felt or heard a voice, not a happy voice, but a stern voice, telling me, “This is not your daughter. This is my daughter. And you are in no position to take care of her.” And I realized that it was true. I was now responsible for another human being, one of Heavenly Father's children, and I wasn't in a situation where I was able to give her what she needed. I wasn't happy. I wasn't living the gospel. I felt the full force of the decisions I had made. I felt what it meant not just to my life but to hers that I had chosen to become bitter about the problems in my life and had stopped turning to the Lord for help. This is what I'd ended up with.

I felt the full force of the decisions I had made. I felt what it meant not just to my life but to hers that I had chosen to become bitter about my problems and had stopped turning to the Lord for help.

Li ma kien. In a matter of weeks, I left my husband and moved back home.

So quickly!

Hija ħaġa diffiċli li tagħmel meta int maqbuda fl-relazzjoni bħal dik-it diffiċli li toħroġ. Imma I biss ma setgħux tinsa li I kien responsabbli għal bniedem u li I meħtieġa biex tikseb dan id-dritt.

Il-divorzju innifsu kien diffiċli. My ġenituri kienu ħafna, ħafna appoġġ ta 'lili. Kollox ma jista 'jaħseb li għinni out, huma għamlu dan. Iżda, dawn ma jkollhomx fondi illimitat u dawn kienu fil-proċess ta 'ċaqliq' familja sħiħa madwar il-pajjiż. Ħabib ta 'ħabib mmaniġġjati xogħol legali tiegħi pro bono. Min-naħa l-oħra, ex tiegħi kellha tim ta '4 avukati. Kien redikoli. Ried li jieħdu kustodja ta 'dan it-tifel żgħir min I kien jaf ma tkunx sikuri miegħu. Kienet esperjenza terriblement solitarju u frustranti.

Din kienet waħda mill-ewwel żminijiet fejn deher ċar għalija li l-goodness u l-appoġġ ta 'nies oħra huwa tant importanti meta aħna qed jesperjenzaw provi. Hemm ħafna drabi fil-ħajja tiegħi fejn il-Mulej tkellem lili u comforted lili direttament. Iżda dan kien żmien meta l-Mulej aktar tkellem lili u ma comforting Tiegħu permezz ta 'nies oħra.

Mexxejja qodma My Żgħażagħ tan-Nisa kienu hekk nonjudgmental. I kienu telqu l-Knisja fi juru drammatika big u mbagħad jien lura fi żmien sentejn divorzjati ma 'tarbija. Nobody qal kelma ta 'kritika. Kien biss, "Huwa hekk wunderbare biex tara int hawn darb'oħra." I kien tant jibża I meta kien tmur lura għal Knisja li n-nies jittrattaw lili bħala ż-żerriegħa ħżiena. Iżda ħadd ma. Il kindness u konsiderazzjoni tal-persuni li kienu fil-ħajja ġenituri tiegħi ", u fil-ħajja tiegħi, so mbierka me.

Kim ma 'bintha

I kien mogħti kustodja tat-tifla tiegħi. My raġel ingħata viżti inizjalment u li marret ħafna, ħafna ħażin. Il-divorzju mkaxkra fuq għal ftit ta 'snin. All I tista 'tagħmel kien stenna madwar għall-sistema legali. Fl-aħħarnett, huwa tilef kollha ta 'drittijiet tal-ġenituri tiegħu. Kien diffiċli ħafna, imma jien qatt ma tilfu l-sens li I kien responsabbli għal dan bniedem, li hija kienet tifel Heavenly Missier u mhux tiegħi stess. Kien madwar dak I meħtieġa biex tagħmel għal dan it-tifel ta 'Alla.

Kieku inti marret għall-kulleġġ qabel hi twieldet?

I ma kinux. I lanqas gradwati mill-iskola għolja. Wara hija twieldet, I ħa l-GED u rreġistrati f'kulleġġ komunità. I kien kapaċi biex jittrasferixxi lix BYU wara ftit żmien. U so I marru permezz BYU bħala ġenitur wieħed żgħażagħ.

My ġenituri kien iċċaqlaq Salt Lake City. Fl-ewwel I biss qalbet għall BYU. Imma I ma riedx li jkun il-kid li ltqajna fl-inkwiet u mċaqalqa lura d-dar u nannu mqajma bintha. I ma jħossu bħal li kien dak Heavenly Missier kellu f'moħħu. Jien ridt li tagħmel dan kemm jista 'jkun fuq tagħna stess. I kellha tieħu out self lil studenti, iżda aħna ltqajna appartament tagħna stess fl Provo. A horrible, ċkejkna, appartament kantina dlam. Kienet żgħażagħ biżżejjed hi ma 'kura u I dehret, "Well, mill-inqas jien ser kulleġġ."

I kien kapaċi jħallsu għal xi daycare u I kien kapaċi li jieħdu tagħha għal xi klassijiet miegħi. Meta dawk l-għażliet ġew eżawriti, my brother, li kien freshman, u sitt roommates pre-missjoni tiegħu fil Helaman Swali se tieħu din sentejn Tfajla. Huma ser watch tagħha għal 6 sigħat jew madankollu twil I meħtieġa. Huma kienu babysitters aqwa. M'hemmx ħafna ta 'subien qodma dsatax sena li biss jaħsbu huwa ħelu u umoristiċi li dawn qed babysitting żewġ jew tliet darbiet fil-ġimgħa. U dawn guys għamlu. Kienet barka meraviljuża. So I kien kapaċi biex jagħmluha taħdem kollha ta 'dawk is-snin fil BYU, tax-xogħol u jmorru l-iskola full-time. I eventwalment ltqajna scholarship li għen, wisq.

Hija għandu jkun ġie demografiku żgħir ħafna, li tkun omm waħda fil BYU.

Oh my goodness, iva. I iħobb BYU. Kien kbir post li jkun, imma kelli ebda sħabhom. Hemm fil-fatt grupp prinċipali waħda fil BYU, iżda kienet aktar nisa li żwieġhom kienu telqu minnhom wara 25 sena. I ammirajt dawk in-nisa, iżda kienet f'sitwazzjoni differenti ħafna minn minjiera. I qatt milħuqa waħda ġenitur l-ieħor wieħed żgħażagħ. Kelli ħbieb, u I anke kellhom ħbieb ma gidjien, iżda dawn kienu kollha miżżewġa. Wara ħajja soċjali kien skomdi.

My ġenituri kienu dejjem appoġġ ta 'parenting wieħed tiegħi. Kien hemm żminijiet meta konna fil-drawwa ta 'tagħhom li jkollhom bint tiegħi kull Ġimgħa bil-lejl permezz ta' Sibt so I jistgħu jaħdmu jew finitura karti jew jagħmlu affarijiet li kienu diffiċli li tagħmel mod ieħor. Dan ma setax isir mingħajr l-appoġġ tagħhom. Inħoss bħal I kien verament xxurtjati li jkollhom l-appoġġ tant. Iżda fl-istess ħin li inti ma tistax tikseb l-appoġġ biżżejjed biex jagħmlu parenting wieħed faċli. Inti ma tistax tikseb l-appoġġ biżżejjed biex tagħmel li waħdu u mingħajr sħabhom faċli.

What did inti tistudja fil BYU?

I studjat filosofija. Mhux għażla prattika ħafna. Iżda huwa personalità tiegħi. I ħa klassijiet dwar xi wħud mill-punti aktar joskuraw ta 'duttrina. Kienet ħaġa aqwa biex tistudja.

Filosofija ffokat-għalkemm ma kinitx issolvi-żewġ kwistjonijiet kbar kelli biex issolvi permezz. Wieħed kienet il-problema tal-ħażen. Ħajja jista 'jkun ħażin! U mhuwiex tort tiegħek. Kif ma li jitħalltu ma jkun hemm Alla? Jekk int tpoġġi fil-familja ma 'persuna abbużiv, inti ma tagħmel xejn biex jixirqilhom dan u għadhom inti jkollha l-konsegwenzi kollu tal-ħajja tiegħek. Binti ma tagħmel xi ħaġa ħażina, iżda hija kellha xi esperjenzi trawmatiċi fil-ħajja bikrija tagħha ma viżti tagħha u issa hi kienet qed imqajjem mill mom waħda li ma jista 'jkun hemm għall tagħha. I remember żmien wieħed ma jistaqsu għalliem daycare tagħha liema hi riflessjoni hi tixtieq għall-Milied minħabba I ma kienx ċert. C'est terrible! Kien tort tiegħi, mhux tort tagħha.

Il-kwistjoni oħra kienet, dak ma jfisser li l-Mulej kien comforted lili fit-tfulija tiegħi u mbagħad I ħalla lilu? X'tip ta 'reputazzjoni kien li telqu lili? Do inti titlef salvazzjoni tiegħek kompletament jekk inti tagħmel dan? I kien jaf kien hemm Alla. Jien kont naf li Hu ndukrati għalija. And yet I kienu telqu. Xi jfisser?

I ħassew li l-imġiba tiegħi kienu probabbilment skwalifikata milli l-ogħla livelli tas-sema, imma I iddeċieda li tkun multa. I felt l-imħabba tal-Mulej, u I kien tant grati għall ikun x'ikun l-Mulej kien lest li tagħti me. I jista 'jkun anġlu ministering. I kellu l-ebda problema ma 'dak.

Imma mbagħad I bdew jaħsbu, bħala parti mill-kuxjenza bint tiegħi, jien ridt li jmorru għall-tempju, bħal adult. Meta I marru għall-tempju, I ittieħdet totalment mill sorpriża. Li jkunu jafu li dnubiet tiegħi kienu skużat laqat lili hekk qawwi fil-qalb tiegħi. Mezzi maħfur maħfur. Inti ma tiskwalifika yourself. Dan huwa dak il-ħajja huwa għall. Kulħadd messijiet up. Inħoss bħal I ma kinux mifhum dak maħfra tal-Mulej fisser sal I kien fit-tempju

Għandu inbidlu fehma tiegħek ta 'lilek innifsek.

Huwa verament ma. Jien ma 'persuna li seta' kien persuna tajba u mbagħad nefaħ dan. Persuna li tista 'tkun persuna kbir jista' jkun persuna kbira fi kwalunkwe punt. Inti qatt ma blow it! Inħoss bħal I qatt ma pjuttost mifhum-Mulej qabel. Mhux biss li tkun taf li għalija l-possibbiltajiet kienu għadhom bla tmiem, li hija ħaġa sabiħa, imma li tkun taf li t-tip ta 'Alla jien jittrattaw hija waħda li ma jżommx score! Hu ma jgħidu, "Hija pjuttost tajba, iżda tiftakar meta hija kienet 18? Kienet taf aħjar. "Hu ma tagħmel dan. Hu qal, "Indmu, u aħna ser tikseb id-dritt lura bħal dan qatt ma ġara." Hu ma azjenda fuq, hekk aħna ma bżonn li, għal nfusna jew għal nies oħra. Fost jiddispjaċih akbar tiegħi fil-ħajja huwa li kelli ma marret għall-tempju aktar kmieni. I felt differenza qawwija fil-ħajja tiegħi wara.

Huwa ta 'storja jispira!

L-istejjer jispira aħna tgħid fil-Knisja, dawn qed kollha vera. M'hemm l-ebda miraklu-Mulej ma jistax iwettaq, He hija sħiħa ta 'ħniena. Iżda spiss, javżak l-affarijiet fil-forma ta 'stejjer twassal għal din l-idea li jekk int żamma l-kmandamenti u jekk int persuna tajba, kollox garżi innifsu up pulit. Life ma jkollhom l-istruttura ta 'storja. Hija biss jżomm għaddejjin u dwar, bħal movie fejn dawn iżommu jagħmlu wisq sequels.

Ħsibt fil-ħin dan kien tant naïve-li l-esperjenza tiegħi mal-tempju kien tant qawwija li jien qatt ma tagħmel xejn ħażin darb'oħra. Għaliex kieku I qatt tmur kuljum mingħajr qari Iskrittura tiegħi? U ovvjament li mhux kif aħna. Life huwa inqas pretty minn dak. Jien xorta jinsa biex taqra l-Iskrittura tiegħi. Żgur li l-Mulej għamel kollox Hu għandu bżonn biex tagħmel biex jikkonvinċu lili li dan huwa importanti, u I still tinsa.

Life ma jkollhom l-istruttura ta 'storja. Hija biss jżomm għaddejjin u dwar, bħal movie fejn dawn iżommu jagħmlu wisq sequels.

Inħoss bħal I trid titkellem lilek dwar xi wħud mill-affarijiet li ġara reċentement għaliex kellhom impatt tali fuq il-ħajja tiegħi. Inħoss bħal ma jkunx ġust li jħallu lilhom out.

Allura, taħseb tal-kunċett ta 'stejjer, hawnhekk minjiera: I kellhom ħajja diffiċli dar u mbagħad raġel abbużiv crazy, u wieħed parented għal dawn is-snin kollha u finalment, eżatt qabel I lest fil BYU, I met dan il-bniedem mill-isbaħ u miżżewġa lilu . My raġel adottati bint tiegħi, u kellna tfal oħra u kellna qrib, familja mill-isbaħ, u aħna kollha għexu heureusement qatt wara. C'est tmiem sabiħ għall-istorja, li kieku dan ma l-aħħar. Dawk l-affarijiet ma jiġri, iżda ma kienx it-tmiem. Affarijiet importanti ġara minn dakinhar.

My raġel u I marru l-Ingilterra għalih li tikseb grad ta 'kaptan numru ta' snin ilu. I kienet tqila ma raba tifel tiegħi, tfal bijoloġiċi tielet tagħna flimkien. I ma jista 'jgħidlek kemm ħass lili bħal I kien jgħix l-jispiċċa kuntenti ta' storja fil-Ensign: I marru għall-tempju u I żżewweġ u kollox kienet meraviljuża. I kellhom raġel mill-isbaħ, u żewġ subien ftit adorable. Bint eqdem tagħna iħobb dad tagħha u kien qed jikbru daqshekk kbira u pretty. I kien li tarbija ieħor u aħna kienu qed jgħixu fl-Ingilterra mdawra minn nies mill-isbaħ. I felt so happy u hekk mbierka.

Jum wieħed raġel tiegħi daħal dar minn Knisja u qal, "Kellna lezzjoni quorum ta 'l-anzjani llum u huwa verament laqat lili. L-għalliem qal, "żminijiet ħżiena se jidħlu għal kulħadd, u huwa diffiċli biex jibnu l-Ispirtu meta int qed jitħabtu u tbatija. Meta l-affarijiet sejrin tajjeb għalik, inti għandek jiddedikaw ħin għall-Ispirtu u jibnu r-riżervi hekk meta l-żminijiet ħżiena ġejjin, inti għandek ħafna biex ifasslu fuq minflok li pick dak il-mument li tibda qari Iskrittura tiegħek jew tibda titolbu. " "Konna kemm verament milquta minn dik l-idea għaliex kollox kien tant perfetta fil-ħajja tagħna. Kellna l-ħin u l-enerġija, hekk aħna feltru ispirati biex jibda jkollna up madwar nofs siegħa qabel kull filgħodu biex jaqra Iskrittura flimkien, li kien sabiħ.

Dritt fl-aħħar ta 'din it-tqala-I kien full erbgħin ġimgħat I ġara li jkollhom regolari check-up. Subien tiegħi iħobb li jmorru lill-tabib, iħobb nisma 'l-tarbija qalb. I ċċettjaw ma 'l-tabib, u ftit boy tiegħi telgħu fuq il-mejda. Huwa qal, "Irrid li heaw l heawt."

Wara minuta, it-tabib qal, "Għaliex ma inti tikseb l isfel, għasel. Aħna mhux qed tmur biex tagħmel dan llum. "Minħabba ma kienx hemm wieħed. Hemm I kien fil uffiċċju tat-tabib ma 'żewġ subien u l-ebda qalb.

Kien raffa ħafna. L-agħar parti ta 'affarijiet bħal dik, serjament, hija li inti ma tieħux li biss jirrispondu emozzjonalment. Inti ma tieħux biex tkisser u cry. Minħabba li hemm loġistika li inti għandek taħdem out. Xi ħadd irid jilħaq ir-raġel tiegħek. Xi ħadd irid jieħu kura ta 'l-subien. Xi ħadd li jittellgħu Caitlyn up mill-iskola. Kollha ta 'dawn mundane, affarijiet earthly li għandhom jiġu ttrattati.

I kien xortik tajba ħafna. I d biss run fis proxxmu tiegħi so I taf hi kien dar u riedu subien tiegħi li ġejjin fuq. Allura li kien tittieħed kura ta '. I kien kapaċi li jilħqu raġel tiegħi faċilment. Kelli ħabib ma 'karozza hekk aħna jistgħu jiksbu l-isptar. Allura dawk l-affarijiet ltqajna jinħadmu faċilment. Iżda xorta, meta traġedja qtar fil-ħajja tiegħek, inti għandek tkun kapaċi li eżatt jħossok ħażin bħal fil-films. Imma l-ebda, inti għandek taħdem out kollha dawn il-passi ftit. Huwa insult. Id-dinja kollha qed jaqa 'barra u I jkollhom isibu numri tat-telefon u jagħmlu telefonati.

I kien talab raġel tiegħi. I kien waqa off subien tiegħi. I kien fid-dar tiegħi waħdu, seduta fuq l-art bl-telefon tiegħi, stennija għall-raġel tiegħi li ġejjin, stennija għall-sitwazzjoni biex isolvu innifsu b'xi. I remember li f'dan is-sens distinta li peress I ma kinux maqsuma u cried jew rrispondew għadhom emozzjonalment, I kien kompletament kapaċi li jmorru wieħed minn żewġ direzzjonijiet. I tista 'tgħid, "Dan mhux ġust. Il-Mulej tkun ingannata lili. I ma jixirqilhom dan. "U Inkun totalment iġġustifikata. Ebda wieħed tort lili. B'dak il-mod kienet miftuħa għal kollox lili.

Iżda jmiss għal dan kien hemm għażla li nista 'ngħid, "I jafu l-Mulej u I fiduċja lilu u jien biss ser pruwa kap tiegħi u tagħmel dan ħaġa li Hu apparentement sejjaħ lili biex jagħmlu." I iddeċieda li, filwaqt I jista 'jkun iġġustifikat li jkunu rrabjata u mqalleb, ma kien hemm xejn x'wieħed jiggwadanja f'dak. Ma kienx ċar għalija kif tista 'tkun possibbilment hemm ebda għan fil jitilfu tifel, u fil jitilfu tifel b'dan il-mod. Imma I iddeċieda I kien biss jmorru biex jagħtu l-Mulej ċans biex juru lili li kien OK.

U għalhekk, dan huwa dak li għamilt. I bowed my head u marru l-isptar. Huma ma l-ultrasound. It-tifel kien mejjet. Aħna lanqas ma kienet magħrufa jekk kien tifel jew tifla. Ma 'dan it-tip ta' sitwazzjoni, inti tixtieq li jkollok C-sezzjoni immedjatament, iżda dawn biss tagħmel C-sezzjonijiet meta jew il-ħajja jew is-saħħa tal-omm tifel jew ikun f'riskju. Meta l-wild tkun mietet, l-operazzjoni hija riskju serju lill-omm sabiex inti biss għandek tistenna u jagħti l-minuri fil-mod normali.

Konna lura fl-isptar biss madwar 24 siegħa wara. Kien kunsinna diffiċli ħafna. Jekk it-tarbija kienet għexet jumejn itwal, hi għadhom kif ġew mogħtija ħaj, mingħajr ebda problemi oħra. Jirriżulta kien hemm għoqda fil-kurdun taż-żokra. Liema hija kważi qatt problema, iżda f'dan il-każ, għal xi raġuni li ltqajna ssikkata, u maqtugħa.

Waħda mill-affarijiet verament diffiċli dwar li jkollhom tarbija mwielda mejta hija li duttrina knisja ma tgħidilna xejn dwar l-istatus ta 'tfal mhux imwielda. Naf nies mixi madwar llum li kienu mogħtija aktar kmieni minn bint tiegħi. Huma ħaj! Nies li naf li tilfu trabi isibu konfort kbira fl-idea li t-tarbija tagħhom ltqajna korp, li huma ltqajna biex tara lilu, li hu serva l-iskop tiegħu. I, min-naħa l-oħra, ma tistax tikseb xi solace dottrinali minħabba duttrina ma jgħidu x'inhuma r-regoli għal tifel li jmut qabel hu imwieled. Allura minbarra l-prova ta 'jitilfu tifel, aħna ma setgħux tibbaża fuq kumdità Evanġelju minħabba li l-duttrina ma jkunx hemm. I jissoponi li xi ħaġa I seta 'jsir rrabjata ħafna dwar.

Imma I iddeċieda li ma nikseb rrabjata. Ħadd ma qal duttrina knisja tgħidilna dak kollu li huwa veru. Għandna talb u għandna l-Ispirtu meta duttrina ma twieġeb mistoqsijiet tagħna. Hija tatni l-kumdità li jkunu jafu li sempliċement minħabba xi ħaġa mhix imwieġba għall-knisja kollu, dan ma jfissirx li ma jistgħux jiġu mwieġba għalija u r-raġel tiegħi. Nistgħu nibdew rivelazzjoni direttament. Sempliċiment għax ma nistax ngħid lil ħaddieħor, "L-ispirtu jidħol fil-ġisem qabel it-twelid," I know dak l-Ispirtu qalli. Ikun sabiħ li nafu li kulħadd fil reliġjon tiegħi qablu miegħi, iżda mhux meħtieġ.

Meta xi ħaġa bħal dik jiġri, inti jonfqu snin li up ijiem u isfel jiem. Kemm I think-Ispirtu kkonfermat lili li dan it gestated kompletament 7 ½ lira femminili umana kien persuna reali bi spirtu reali li jkunu Rxoxt u salvati bħal kulħadd, minbarra li jkollhom li l-assigurazzjoni, jien qatt, qatt mill- Ispirtu jew minn kwalunkwe sors ieħor ltqajna xi inkling jew indikazzjoni jew saħansitra idea foggy tal x'tip ta 'skop dan jista' jservi. Huwa ma jagħmel ebda sens. U franchement, jekk inti tatni-raġuni, I probabbilment kieku ma bhalu. Iżda, kif deher ċar li hemm biss ma kienx se jkun hemm raġuni partikolari għal dan wieħed, raġel tiegħi u I iddeċieda li jekk il-Mulej kienet tagħti us prova li ma kienx se jkollhom spjegazzjoni, li kien up lilna biex isibu mod biex jiksbu benefiċċju.

Allura aħna użaw dan bħala opportunità biex jaħsbu dwar affarijiet aħna riedu bidla fil-familja tagħna, affarijiet ridna li jagħmlu fil-ħajja tagħna, affarijiet ridna li jindem ta ', li aħna qatt ntlaqgħet jistgħu jiffissaw qabel. Hija mdawwar f'wieħed mill-tberik kbira tal-ħajja tiegħi li għamlu d-deċiżjoni li tagħmel dan. Meta naħseb ta 'Elizabeth, anke jekk aħna qatt met tagħha, nista' ngħid, "Dan huwa l-impatt pożittiv hija kellha fuq il-ħajja tiegħi," minħabba l-affarijiet li aħna għażlu li jagħmlu.

Li l-attitudni, li l-approċċ, wera tant utli fil-provi iżgħar: il-problemi biex issib impjieg, xi ħadd s trouble wara fl-iskola, I ma simili sejħa tiegħi. Hija tani l-għażla fil-qalb tiegħi stess u mind tiegħi stess li jgħidu, "OK, dan huwa ħażin, imma dak li nista 'pull out ta' dan? X'nista 'nagħmel b'rispons għaliha li għaddej biex tkun ħaġa tajba? "Huwa aqwa, imma int tista' dejjem issib xi ħaġa li jagħmlu l-ħajja tiegħek aħjar.

I think spiss fil-Knisja nitkellmu dwar li jkollhom provi bħallikieku hemm xi ħaġa dwar li jkollhom prova li jagħmilna jitgħallmu. Imma fil-fatt, li mhux veru. Hemm ħafna ta 'aġenzija involuti fil-mod kif aħna nirrispondu għal provi tagħna.

Hemm ħafna ta 'aġenzija involuti fil-mod kif aħna nirrispondu għal provi tagħna.

I d qatt ngħid li ninsab kuntenta I marru permezz li l-esperjenza ta 'jitilfu tifel. Jekk kelli magna żmien u tista 'tmur lura fil-ħin, nixtieq, u I d jibdlu. Imma peress li jien ma jkollhom dik l-għażla, ġew I grati li tgħallimt biex twieġeb il-mod għamilt. Inħoss rrikonċiljata għal kollox għal dak kollu li kien il-Mulej kien qed jipprova jagħmel minħabba li spiċċa biex tkun barka.

Li wkoll kienu tarf sabiħ għall-istorja tiegħi: I kellha din il-prova big, u sibt permezz ta 'dan, u l-ħajja Kimberly White biss marru fuq kollha sabiħ. Hija ma marret il-mod.

I jkollhom iħobb dan jekk it-telf ta 'tarbija kien il-diffikultà finali tal-ħajja tiegħi. Peress li l-snin għaddew minn, aktar inħolqu diffikultajiet u ma ġewx solvuti. Konna kapaċi, madwar sena wara Elizabeth miet, li jkollhom girl ftit ieħor, li kien barka kbira għalina. Hija kien wunderbare. Aħna dejjem ħsibt aħna se jkollhom ieħor tat-tfal u qatt għamlet. Naf jien ma fi kwalunkwe pożizzjoni biex jitkellmu dwar dak it-tip ta 'uġigħ meta hemm nies li qatt jkollhom it-tfal fil-livelli kollha. Imma, meta inti tixtieq xi ħaġa u hija ħaġa twajbin u inti jafu ebda raġuni m'għandekx ikollok dan u għadhom inti ma ġġibu, li għadu diffiċli. I cried ħafna u sofriet ħafna.

Aktar reċentement, ħelu girl eqdem tagħna ftit, min I single-parented għal sakemm u min-raġel tiegħi adottati biex jgħollu bħala tiegħu stess, kellu problemi diffiċli. Dritt issa hi tal fi sptar psikjatriku. I do not know kif dan kollu se play out fil-ħajja tal-familja tagħna. Binti qed tissara tant dritt issa. Huwa wisq prima. I ma tistax titkellem wisq dwar dan.

Inti taf li hemm affarijiet li inti seta 'jsir aħjar, li inti għandek għamlu aħjar. U jekk it-tfal tiegħek jikbru OK xorta, inti tista imsaħ brow tiegħek u jgħidu, "I raden ma kienx wisq ħażina." U jekk dawn ibatu għal xi raġuni oħra, minħabba mard mentali jew trawmi oħra li jiffaċċjaw fl-iskola, jew biss personalità tagħhom, imbagħad bħala ġenitur inti ma tistax nippretendu li ma kienx ikun aħjar jekk inti kienu ġenitur aħjar. Iżda fl-istess ħin, inti ma tistax taħbit yourself up. Ħadd m'hu ġenitur perfett.

Jekk I tista 'tgħaddi liġi għall-Knisja, ikun li ħadd ma qatt permess li jgħidu, "Ir-raġuni sebat itfal tiegħi kollha marru fuq missjonijiet u żżewweġ fit-tempju huwa għaliex aħna dejjem kellhom familja dar filgħaxija." Jew "I tahom barka fil-bidu ta 'kull sena skolastika, u hu għalhekk li dawn qed kollha OK. "Fl-esperjenza tiegħi, li jinsab biss mhux veru. Id-dinja hija aktar kumplikata. I qatt ma sema profeta jgħid, "Kollox fil-ħajja tiegħek se jmorru OK jekk għandek dar tal-familja filgħaxija." Huma jgħidu, "Int ser ikollok aktar ta 'l-Ispirtu fid-dar tiegħek. Int ser ikollok aktar ispirazzjoni, tkun f'qagħda aħjar biex jgħinu, "mhux li inti mhux ser imbagħad ġlieda.

Jien fil-fatt tip ta 'ferħan aħna ma kinux kapaċi li iskeda din l-intervista qabel, iżda qiegħed tagħmel dan issa lemin fin-nofs ta' dan trawma ma tifla tiegħi. I ma tkunx tixtieq din l-intervista li ħoss bħal storja li kien lest. Life sempliċement ma taħdimx li mod. Jew għall-inqas din ma taħdimx li mod għalija. Naħseb li hemm ħafna nies li biss qatt ma jissetilja biex ittaffi u l-kuntentizza.

Il-Mulej ikollu din il-knisja vast kollu jiddekorri u l-poplu mgħammra aħjar biex ikunu f'pożizzjonijiet ta 'tmexxija huma dawk li ħajjithom huma stabbli. Kulħadd għandu provi, imma xi nies għandhom inqas minn oħrajn, u dawk huma l-persuni Hu għandu jużaw bħala mexxejja tal-Knisja. Huma qed mhux se jkun jaqgħu barra l-ħin kollu. Aħna ta 'spiss tara li l-mexxejja tagħna jkollhom it-tfal fidili fil-knisja, ikollhom xogħol, huma għandhom passatempi u l-ħajja sħiħa kbar. Iżda jista 'jkun diffiċli għal nies oħra tħares lejn dak. Huma jistgħu jaħsbu, "Jekk int aktar twajbin, jekk int tajba biżżejjed biex tkun l-president Relief Society, inti tirċievi wkoll dan it-tip ta 'ħajja." That idea creeps fil-Knisja kultant. I biss ma nemminx dan huwa veru. Ovvjament mhuwiex veru. I mean, Abinadi ltqajna maħruq fil-involuti.

Liema jista 'jkun mod utli li tgħid l-istejjer tal-ħajja tagħna?

Il-mod kif aħna jinkwadra l-istejjer tal-ħajja tagħna għal kull kwistjonijiet oħra. Huwa veru li hemm nies li jiġu lura lejn il-Knisja u n-nies li ħajjithom huma salvati mill-maħbubin. Huwa biss li huwa veru wkoll li hemm nies li qatt ma terga 'lura u nies li jmutu u nies li jsofru minn mard horrible għal snin u snin u snin. Ninsew li għal xi wħud minna, it-tmiem kuntenti mhux se jidħlu f'dan il-ħajja.

F'dan konferenza aktar riċenti, xi ħadd told storja ta 'tifla fil-liġi tiegħu li kellhom tlieta jew erbat itfal u mbagħad hija ma kinitx f'pożizzjoni li jkollhom aktar. I really resonated ma 'li l-istorja. Għalkemm I know huwa ħafna agħar jekk inti qatt ma jista 'jkollhom xi tfal, I apprezzat benesseri tagħha rrikonoxxa li ma tkunx tista' jkollha wild hija ħaġa uġigħ anki jekk diġà għandek it-tfal. Imma mbagħad l-istorja ntemmet li marret fuq li jkollhom żewġt itfal aktar. Għid storja li ma jieqafx heureusement! Għid storja fejn hi biss sabu modi oħra li jkunu kuntenti. Għal ħafna minna, dan huwa dak li għandna nagħmlu.

Alla ipoġġi magħna hawn, jafu aħna mhux se tkun perfetta. Huwa jagħti us-tfal, jafu aħna mhux qed dejjem se jittrattawhom dritt. Huwa jagħti us interpellazzjonijiet, jafu aħna mhux qed dejjem se jagħmlu lilhom id-dritt. Jien mhux dejjem il-tip ta 'persuna I jixtiequ I kien. Dan messy kollu, negozju tajn ma dawn il-komplikazzjonijiet kollha u inċertezzi, il-grunginess tal-mortalità: dan huwa l-pjan! Huwa mibgħuta lilna, waqa, let us ġlieda out.

Jekk dan messy, mortalità kkumplikata bir uġigħ kollha tagħha u miseries u inġustizzja huwa l-pjan, jekk dan kollu jservi skop għal Heavenly Missier tagħna, kif sagru u wunderbare kollha ta 'dawn messijiet u uġigħ għandhom ikunu. Hemm xi ħaġa divina u skop dwar xi jfisser għalina ġlieda kollha permezz ta 'dan il-dlam.

There's one way of looking at the gospel that says, none of us are good enough to deserve the exaltation that the Lord has promised. Maybe only a very, very few of the most righteous will really deserve to become powerful gods. But I look at it differently. I think if we get out of this life, having made any kind of a consistent effort, with all of the noise that Satan throws at us and all of the difficulties of just being a person, what a wonderful thing that is! People who have done that have really earned great blessings.

Anyway, I hope so.

At A Glance

Kimberly White


Location:
New York, NY

Age:
38

Marital status:
Married at 18, divorced at 20, married at 25

Children:
5 total: age 18, 11, 10, 6 (our deceased daughter would have been 8 )

Schools Attended:
BYU

Lingwi mitkellma fil Home: Ingliż

Favorite Hymn:
“Praise to the Lord”

58 Comments

  1. Tori
    6:35 am on January 9th, 2013

    Beautifully said, Kimberly. Thank you for sharing your story…so far.

  2. Valerie
    6:44 am on January 9th, 2013

    Wow! Stunning and very moving interview. By far the best interview I have read on this site. Kimberly, thank you for sharing the unfinished stories of your life. I have been living with an unresolved problem (a huge trial) for more than 25 years and have searched high and low and everywhere in between for answers, help, healing, miracles, and peace. I feel like I finally got an answer today by reading about your life. Thank you, thank you for this beautiful interview.

  3. Shelley Baum
    7:04 am on January 9th, 2013

    How wonderful to see you Kim and to catch up on your life. You are amazing and strong! My prayers go out to your daughter and to you.

  4. Rachel Pierce
    8:21 am on January 9th, 2013

    Thank you for sharing your unfinished story, Kim. You and your family are in our daily prayers. We love you!!!

  5. Lacy
    9:41 am on January 9th, 2013

    What a beautiful, honest, moving interview. Life is messy and complicated. Acknowledging that is a powerful thing–something I wish we as a community did more of. Thank you, Kimberly, for doing that here.

  6. Amanda
    10:43 am on January 9th, 2013

    What a beautiful and honest story! Grazzi għall-qsim!

  7. Rosalyn
    11:02 am on January 9th, 2013

    I loved the honesty here–I think we do need to be more open about struggles in the church, since the truth is that everyone struggles with something. Grazzi għall-qsim!

  8. Annette Pimentel
    11:17 am on January 9th, 2013

    From the Interview Produver: Kimberly's words have rung in my ears ever since we spoke. I want to develop hope like hers!

  9. Becky Otteson
    11:24 am on January 9th, 2013

    Kim, I was touched as I read the family stories that you chose to share.
    I needed to hear some of your thoughts on the why and when of our trials, thank you.
    And thank you for… just the way you told your story, my story, everyone's story.
    We love you all.

  10. hayley
    11:38 am on January 9th, 2013

    your story shows amazing strength, i can t find the words i want to say. I struggle with metal health issues i would nt wish them on my worst enemy , i pray that your daughter will get through her difficulties. thank you for sharing, god bless x

  11. Karen G.
    12:17 pm on January 9th, 2013

    I came into the church as a single mother. There is so much that makes us into who we are that comes before. It is a lifelong journey of accepting the forgiveness ourselves that helps to make us into who we can become. Still vulnerable and very much alive trying to figure out what unconditional love really means.

    Thank you so very much for sharing your continuing journey.

  12. Camille
    12:18 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Thank you for you story and perspective Kim; I really admire your strength and hope. Like Rach said, you all are in our prayers as you navigate this new challenge. xo

  13. Deb
    12:47 pm on January 9th, 2013

    I loved reading this… I loved the sense and clarity Kim shows. And I completely agree that we need to get over feeling like we need to appear perfect. The truth is that no one is. So let's make it easier on everyone by not putting on that front. Thanks for sharing your ongoing story. Hoping for the best for you and your family.

  14. Heather Fortuna Bush
    12:58 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Beautiful.

  15. Anna K.
    2:27 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Incredible story. It's an interesting thought that the reason our Church leaders seem to not have the trials that us mere mortals have is that they have the capacity to be leaders where others of us are spending our capacity coping with trials. It's almost like at any given time some of us are called to be leaders and some of us are called to have a certain trial.

    I definitely know of local and Church-wide leaders who have survived and stayed faithful through awful trials, and in some cases I think it is their trials that prepare them for leadership. So I know it's not always the case that our leaders have perfect lives, but at the same time I recognize the feeling of looking at our leaders and feeling like my life is so different in X way. I like your (Kimberly's) thoughts as to one reason why that might be.

  16. Megan Mead Fife
    2:35 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Hi Kim,

    Loved reading your story. There is so much strength in sharing in each others lives, and your story strengthened me. Say Hi to Zac, and best of luck with your daughter…our prayers are with you.

  17. Kristin McElderry
    3:17 pm on January 9th, 2013

    What a raw, honest and inspiring story. I resonate with the concept that “happily ever after” may be imperfect in this life and that sometimes life is a chaotic struggle. I also love that you talk about how we have to use our agency to learn from our trials — that is so true!! Thanks for sharing your story.

  18. Jana Porter
    3:19 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Thanks for sharing these intimate details of your life Kim. Even though our trials are different I could relate to a lot of your feelings–but you were able to put it into beautiful words. I could especially relate to you wanting the world to stop when your daughter died but having to go through these awful mundane realities of life instead. I wish you the best on your continuing journey and in your current trials. I'm sure miracles will happen now as they have in the past.

  19. Jason Fletcher
    4:21 pm on January 9th, 2013

    I met Kim(bert) when we were 16 years old at a gifted academy, and when she says she was smart, that vastly understates the case. I've known her to be an extraordinarily insightful, vivacious, engaging woman and writer for years and years. My heart has hurt for her when she's encountered the pain she tells about, and I have been glad that joy has poured back into her life. And she also has become not precisely wise (she would likely deny it, but humorously) but rather a container for wisdom so that others may drink the rich blessings which come from God.

    Thank you, my friend, for inviting me to read this, and happy birthday.

  20. Kristy Lloyd
    4:24 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Kim, I appreciate the honesty in your story. If more of us were honest like this, we would feel and show more love, judge less of our fellow Sisters and rely more in the merits of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Doug and I are also praying for your family and your current trials. We can all use an abundance of the Spirit, can't we?

  21. Merralee B
    4:57 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Kim,

    This is so beautiful and so painfully honest.

    As parents, we never want to see our children or our grandchildren suffer. The way you have responded to your trials is an inspiration to all of us. You have blessed many, many lives by your strength and your example.

    Through all this, you have made our family times so fun!

    Love you lots

  22. Emily N
    5:04 pm on January 9th, 2013

    That was so wonderfully told. Kimberly, you are an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts.

  23. Julie
    6:07 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Amen.

  24. Kate
    8:04 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Kimberly, thank you so much for your honesty and insight. You have a refreshingly realistic way of looking at things. While you have been through so much, I have no doubt there will be many joys (with the difficulties) to come. Love & prayers for you and your family.

  25. Shayla
    8:09 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Wow, Kimberly, what a beautiful & touching story. The last paragraph might be my favorite. Your experiences have taught you so much. So, so powerful.

  26. Hailey
    9:17 pm on January 9th, 2013

    I just read it for the second time and cried again! Kimberly, thank you so much for doing this!

  27. Stephanie
    9:17 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Loved it. Grazzi għall-qsim. Love you!

  28. Rich White
    10:23 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Great insights of the wrestle with mortality we each must make and how the Gospel of Jesus Christ helps us to overcome.

  29. Claire
    10:39 pm on January 9th, 2013

    Kim, the church needs more honest, real people like you! Enough with how outwardly perfect everyone's lives are! Your story has touched me deeply and I want to thank you for sharing your life's lessons thus far. I consider your messy, unfinished story to be of much greater practical use than someone's perfectly hidden story. I would appreciate being able to contact you via email.

  30. Audra N
    6:39 am on January 10th, 2013

    Wow! What can I say? Kim, that article touch me to my soul. Thank you for sharing and being so open. I appreciate it more than you know.

    This life is complicated and can be hard at times. My heart and prayers will be with you and your family. Thanks for sharing. Life isn't perfect and it was great to read your words this day. I'm headed to the temple this morning and can't think of a better way to have started my day than reading your interview. Grazzi.

    Hugs and much love to Caitlyn and your whole family!

  31. Karen Burton
    6:47 am on January 10th, 2013

    Kim,
    I have loved you since I met you, and after reading this I have even more respect and admiration for you and your views about living the gospel. Thanks for your honesty and your integrity. Best wishes to you and the family, and esp your sweet daughter.

    Prayers,
    Karen

  32. Jen Galan
    11:30 am on January 10th, 2013

    Thank you so much for this. I needed to remember these things today. Grazzi.

  33. Mishqueen
    1:52 pm on January 10th, 2013

    I totally agree with you about telling stories with a different ending. Don't tell the story about how the Atonement made everything in their life perfect again; tell the story about how someone achieved happiness despite nothing in her life changing. I think there is a great need for examples of how to be like Christ in a very unChristlike environment. Sure, it's pretty rough and not a very comforting story. But it's certainly not out of the reach of the Atonement, and more people need it than not. :)

  34. Shasta
    4:06 pm on January 10th, 2013

    I japprezzaw l-istorja tiegħek. I really naqbel mal-ħajja you ma jagħtu l-happiest tal-truf. I love dan u I do stejjer xewqa ġew mgħarrfa dwar il-truf li hemm bżonn li jiġri għall-bidla attitudni dwar xi ħaġa. I love ħajja tiegħi, provi u kollha. Għandi wkoll innutat li fil-ħajja tiegħi, il-provi I jgħaddu huma biss magħmula agħar mill-attitudni negattiva tiegħi fi żminijiet. Grazzi għall-tfakkira.

  35. Sabrina
    20:07 fuq Jannar 10, 2013

    Beautiful, istorja onest. Grazzi għall-qsim ta 'esperjenzi tiegħek magħna. Life hija messy u diffiċli.

    I do jaqblu li l-aktar stejjer told fuq il-pulptu fil-knisja jew Konferenza Ġenerali huma dawk bl wħud jispiċċa kuntenti li diġà ġara. Madankollu, I do, poignantly ħafna, ftakar President Monson javżak storja fil-konferenza ftit snin lura dwar omm waħda trekking madwar Ġermanja tal-Lvant, nemmen (iżda ma jikkwotaw lili fuq dan u jiena għażżien wisq biex tfittex l-dettalji dritt issa), wara l-okkupazzjoni Russu beda wara WWII. Din il-mara spiċċaw jaraw kollha ta 'tfal tagħha starve għall-mewt u kellhom ħaffer oqbra tagħhom b'kuċċarina. Kienet storja orribbli. I kien bawling. Fl-aħħar, nemmen messaġġ tiegħu kien li minkejja għaddejja xi ħaġa ta 'dak gravità, din il-mara xorta kellhom kuntentizza u t-tama permezz tal-Atonement. Xorta waħda, storja bħal dik hija dejjem memorabbli, iżda naħseb li spikkat lili bl-istess mod messaġġ tiegħek jispikka lili ... li l-mortalità huwa diffiċli u riddled mal-provi u aħna kollha stand fil-bżonn ta 'grazzja ta' Kristu.

    Grazzi għal dak tfakkira għal darb'oħra. Nixtieqilkom, paċi kumdità u gwida kif inti jittrattaw il-prova inti bħalissa qed jiffaċċjaw ma tifla tiegħek.

  36. Rebecca
    22:11 fuq 10 Jannar, 2013

    Grazzi tant għall-kliem tiegħek. Huma laqqgħu tiċrit għall-għajnejn tiegħi u kumdità għall-ruħ tiegħi.
    xoxo

  37. Judi Main
    07:22 fuq 11 Jan 2013

    Kim, ġejt prezzjuż lili peress I ewwel raw inti u rċeviet messaġġ għalik. I miss inti tagħbijiet. I-imħabba u miss tifla tiegħek ukoll. Nitolbok li tħossok liberu li jaqsmu info kuntatt tiegħi ma tifla tiegħek. Hija hija milqugħa li xejn hi tixtieq tkun taf dwar vjaġġi personali u familjari tiegħi ma 'saħħa mentali. Talb lilek u tiegħek.

  38. CARIN
    09:36 fuq 11 Jan 2013

    Grazzi għall-qsim din l-istorja jispira ~

  39. Garġa
    07:42 fuq 11 Jan 2013

    Kimberly,

    Has dejjem kienet faċli għalik biex jkun hekk sinċier u trasparenti? Inti tgħid il-verità kjarament ħafna, teħid ta 'responsabbiltà għall-ħajja tiegħek mingħajr excoriating yourself. I love nitkellmu miegħek għax int hekk onesti u sħiħa u b'saħħithom. Inti qatt punt l-saba - inti biss jaqsmu lezzjonijiet tiegħek ħajja stess. Jien dejjem grati għall-għarfien tiegħek u qatt grat għall-ħbiberija tiegħek, li kien barka enormi. Imħabba Ħafna.

  40. Anna
    22:37 fuq 11 Jannar, 2013

    I kien imċaqlaq sewwa minn din l-intervista, primarjament minħabba I qal kważi dawn il-kliem eżatt dwar "ħajja tkun messy." I speċjalment resonated ma ', "... kif sagru u wunderbare kollha ta' dawn messijiet u uġigħ għandhom ikunu. There is something divine and purposeful about what it means for us to struggle through all of this darkness,” and the part about, “If I could pass a law in the Church…”

    I wanted to jump up and down saying, “I second that! I second that!”

    My grandmother recently passed away, and I feel her near me quite often. When I'm in the muck of messes and pains, I often think of her and how she would view them now that her trials are over. I imagine her being a type of hand-holding mentor, and it gives me just that little much to pull through. Mostly because I know there's an end… even if it's when we take our last breath. The messes will end. Things will get sorted out. I don't know how, but I trust that someone does. And I WILL find out someday.

  41. Kim
    12:25 am on January 12th, 2013

    Grazzi għall-qsim. One scripture that has always been a favorite of mine is Luke 1:41-44, because it clarified for me that just because a baby can't live independently from its mother till it's born, a baby is still a real little person with a spirit! This passage tells of Elizabeth who is expecting John the Baptist speaking to Mary who has revealed she is expecting Jesus, so the two boys are cousins. The scriptures say the babe leapt for joy at the news of Jesus. It doesn't say he kicked or was just randomly moving his limbs about… It says he (John the baptist) leapt for joy…he understood spirit to spirit who the Savior was & the significance. I think he and Jesus were about 6 months apart, but I am not exactly sure. & the Holy Ghost confirmed to Elizabeth. These two women had such pivotal roles for eternity! I love that story. I feel it was an answer to prayer for me. I am sorry about your dear baby. Thank you again for your candor, you are helping others through your struggles and testimony .

  42. Michelle
    2:04 pm on January 12th, 2013

    Ara naqra. This went deeper into my heart than anything I have read online for a long time. Thank you for showing that it is possible to express honesty and faith in such an accessible way.
    I just wanted to agree with another commenter that yes, there are non-happy endings shared, too. Remember Elder Bowen's talk about the loss of his infant child. . . I loved how he even talked about his doubting and other negative emotions, so that I knew he really did understand.
    I had many of the same feelings when I lost my baby boy to an identical way of how your sweet Elizabeth died (and at nearly the same gestational age). I like your point that the story is not over yet for any of us. What gives us hope is to know that one day all will be well with the Lord's covenant people.

  43. Terri
    6:13 pm on January 12th, 2013

    Beautifully told story of how the Lord will support and love us through our trials. And, yes … as I am experiencing yet another one I know HIS love will see me to the bitter end. Someday I know I will be able to look back and see the many times, ways, and people He used as He blessed my life. Thank you for your honestly. I also know that your sweet daughter has your blood running through her veins, in time all will be well with her.

  44. Jamie B
    8:43 am on January 13th, 2013

    Thank you, Kim. What you shared was very personal but very inspiring. You're an amazing woman and a wonderful example of faith and hope and perseverance.

  45. Elizabeth
    4:13 pm on January 16th, 2013

    So magnificently true and powerfully stated. Thank you, fellow earthly pilgrim!

  46. Emily Milner
    7:47 pm on January 16th, 2013

    Kim, I read the interview and wondered if you were the same person I met at Benson finals spring 1993–someone in the comments called you Kimbert, so I'm going out on a limb to ask. I remember your being really, really kind to me–I don't actually remember the circumstances, just that I felt your deep kindness and I was very grateful for it during that stressful time. Blessings to you and your children right now.

  47. B-Happy
    8:11 pm on January 17th, 2013

    amazing. thank you for your honesty.

  48. Melissa
    9:15 pm on January 18th, 2013

    Thank you for this interview and story. As one who has had a stillborn daughter because of an umbilical cord injury(at 39 weeks) this resonated. I love how you say you will never be grateful that it happened, but grateful for the lessons you learned. I so feel that way. I am blessed to have a 3 month old son now (He was born 17 months after my daughter), but will never forget or “get over” my daughters tragic death. The grieving continues and finding a space for that grief is difficult with 3 other little children to care for.

  49. Servanne Illien
    4:17 am on January 19th, 2013

    The true message of the gospel is about being wise in the way we live and treat others well as we would like to be treated… so in a true christian home all members have at heart the wellfare, happiness and wellbeing of others…… not about one having all power and others obeying orders…. it is about contributing to the preservation, happiness, wellfare and wellbeing of the family and all its members and it means helping each other, treating each other well, ensuring that there is no abuse and that everyone is taken care of and cared for properly and about fidely and love between the spouses…

    Otherwise, it is much better and safer to live alone

  50. Servanne Illien
    4:40 am on January 19th, 2013

    When you say that when you go through tough or sad times or are on a bad road, you need people around to help you go through the tough and hard times and/or help you get back on the right track….. you say it all….

    I never had such people around me with the exception of a sister who is nice to me and does not judge ….. so i know what you are talking about…

    Nies li jmorru permezz wisq waħdu, jispiċċaw jagħmlu żbalji aktar biss biex iwaqqaf il-solitudni u fejqan l-abbuż .... imma affarijiet jistgħu jmorru għall-agħar.

    Loving nies qed preċiżament tagħti appoġġ, benessri billi ġenb tagħhom u tgħinhom barra mill-spirali ... .. minimu .... inkella l-imħabba huwa null

    Aħwa Your kienu kbar u billi tfittex wara ftit girl tiegħek li tgħallmu xi jfisser li tkun ġenitur u r-responsabbiltà u jaħdmu teħtieġ ....

    L-akbar rigal għal mara li jkollhom huwa raġel li verament iħobb inti u se jkun minn naħa tiegħek x'ikun .... u l-għerf fil jwasslu ħajja tiegħek ...

    Fehma tiegħi dwar ir-reliġjon huwa mhux dwar l-wara ħajja iżda dwar ewlieni ħajja tagħna hawn l-aħjar li nistgħu .... u dwar il-protezzjoni imħabba u żwieġ u li jkollhom familja bilanċjata, b'saħħithom u għaqli ...

    I still am persuna reliġjużi ... imma i am attenta ta 'istituzzjonijiet reliġjużi .. għaliex dawn jistgħu mess up ħażin

    Good Sibtha xi appoġġ ... u inti għandek ibniet sbieħ ... ..but inti persuna sbieħ yourself

    Hope kollox huwa dritt fil-ħajja tiegħek issa

  51. Servanne Illien
    04:49 fuq Jannar 19, 2013

    Mill-mod, anki jekk int mitluf tifel, inti xorta kellhom it-tfal oħrajn li jixbhu favoriti reali ... hekk mhux kollox mitluf ..; u raġel tajjeb, jidher ....

    Fuq nota oħra, sempliċement għaliex in-nies jagħmel żball, ma fisser li mhumiex fundamentalment tajba ... .It jiddependi dak tal-qalb tagħhom kien stabbilit fuq ... u dak il-ħajja ġabhom ... kultant li jistgħu jaffettwaw lin-nies f'ħafna modi ...

    U hemm nies tajbin ħafna li dont tmur il-knisja jew tempji ... dawn għadhom tajbin ... u hemm nies li ma tmur il-knisja u tempju iżda huma ħżiena ...

    Allura aħna ma għandhom inaqqsu l-tajba ta 'nies li jkunu parti minn reliġjon u / jew sejrin lejn l-tempju fil-każ ta' l-reliġjon Mormon ....

    Xi nies jagħmlu affarijiet ħafna diżgustanti fl-isem ta 'reliġjon ... speċjalment fil-mod kif in-nisa huma ttrattati minn xi ... jew membri huma trattati mill-oħrajn minħabba li dawn jista' jkollhom fehmiet differenti ...

  52. Rachel
    02:35 fuq 20 Jannar, 2013

    thankyou għall-qsim. Dan mimsus me għal ħafna raġunijiet, I ma tista 'taqsam id-dritt issa, kif jiena fin-nofs ta istorja mhux lesti tiegħi, u naf l-affarijiet tista' tikseb aktar diffiċli qabel ma jiksbu aħjar. I am tipprova tagħmel dak kollu li nista 'biex tikri l-Ispirtu jiggwidaw lili hekk I jistgħu jappoġġjaw lit-tfal tiegħi. Thankyou darb'oħra.

  53. JJ Abernathy
    05:42 fuq Jannar 21, 2013

    Grazzi, Kimberly, għall tiegħek istorja Poignant u jiċċaqalqu. Sirt pjuttost emozzjonali bħala Naqra l-intervista tiegħek. Grazzi għall-fidi tiegħek, is-saħħa tiegħek, u l-onestà tiegħek.

  54. Cm
    08:15 fuq 23 Jannar, 2013

    Grazzi għall-qsim tali storja qawwija. What għerf.

  55. Donna
    09:02 fuq 25 Jan 2013

    Din l-istorja mhux mitmuma huwa sabiħ. I love kemm għerf għandek tinġemgħa mill-provi tiegħek. I-imħabba li inti għażilt biex jitgħallmu minn provi tiegħek u biex jittrattaw magħhom b'mod pożittiv. Nifhem dak li jfisser meta inti tgħidli l-knisja hija mmexxija minn nies relattivament stabbli, imma xi kultant nixtieq kien hemm oħrajn li kienu kellhom aktar provi fil-ħajja f'pożizzjonijiet ta 'tmexxija għaliex huma dawk li I jitgħallmu minn aktar. I love dan il-kwotazzjoni "Life ma jkollhom l-istruttura ta 'storja. Hija biss jżomm għaddejjin u dwar, bħal movie fejn dawn iżommu jagħmlu wisq sequels. "Istorja tiegħek tkun verament mimsus lili u I jammiraw saħħa tiegħek.

  56. Katrina
    07:47 fuq 26 Jan 2013

    Grazzi għall-qsim istorja tiegħek. Naħseb li se tagħmel us dinja kollha tajba jekk aħna se apertament jirrikonoxxu l-provi qed niffaċċjaw. Huwa meta aħna let isfel dawn l-ostakoli li aħna tassew kapaċi li jgħaqqdu ma 'oħrajn u tara li aħna mhux waħdu. Għandi 3 1/2 sena qodma u 2 ġimgħat ilu esperjenzaw 3rd korriment tiegħi. Ġie maħduma u l-futur huwa inċert. Life huwa iebes u inġust u messy. Hija tista 'wkoll tkun joyous, wondrous, u sbieħ. God bless inti fil-vjaġġ.

  57. Anneke Garcia
    20:18 fuq Jannar 31, 2013

    Grazzi għall-qsim ħsibijiet tiegħek u speċjalment l-idea kumplessa li stejjer mhux dejjem ikollhom truf storybook.

    I reċentement mitlufa ewwel tarbija tiegħi qabel ma twieled. Fl-ewwel, I ma think I jkampawx l-grief. Imbagħad I tħabtu mal-fatt li aħna ma jafu xejn doctrinally dwar dak li ġara lit-tarbija tiegħi. Hija bothered me li xi nies ħasbu li ma kienx veru jew le kienet persuna jew ma jgħoddux. Hija bothered me li jien ma verament omm, li jmorru kollha permezz ta 'dan ma jfisser xejn. Jien ridt pamflet jew kapitolu ta 'l-Iskrittura jew xi ħaġa x'imkien javżak me jekk baby tiegħi kellhom spirtu jew tkun Rxoxt jew xi li. I ma jiksbu ebda tweġibiet.

    Imma I really do think li fi żminijiet bħal din l-Ispirtu tgħallimna. U aħna ma għandhomx għalfejn ikollhom fi tmiemu u risposta għadhom. U huwa OK li jibqgħu għaddejjin, u biex iżommu għaddejjin affarijiet iebsa.

  58. Shannon Armstrong Smith
    06:13 fuq 15 April, 2013

    Ħajjiet tagħna huma tant ħafna, simili ħafna. Vjaġġ tiegħi bħala omm waħda fil BYU / UTC beda fl-1981 I ma kienx permess li jgħixu fil BYU "approvat" housing li kienet sfida. Ma kontx naf xi ħadd li għandhom tendenza girl tiegħi ftit u so I aktar ħa tagħha għall-klassi miegħi. Il-professuri fl UTC kienu fatherly u saintly u laqa lilna kemm fi klassijiet tagħhom. Il-bniet fil-Wards Singles trattati me bħallikieku I kien inviżibbli, iżda l-guys kienu Enchanted ftit babe aħmar intitolat tiegħi, u hi saret l-attenzjoni tagħhom lejn attivitajiet u matul il-laqgħat tal-knisja boring.
    Illum hi hija omm devout ħafna, edukati u kuntenti ta stess tliet bniet ftit tagħha. I am so sorry tifla tiegħek mhix sejra tajjeb preżent. Għamilna aktar komuni minn I se jiktbu dwar hawn. Jekk inti tixtieq li tikkuntattjani, nixtieq imħabba biex jippruvaw jgħinu. God Bless inti & maħbubin tiegħek.

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