4. maj 2010, ki jih admin

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Potovanje je nagrada

Potovanje je nagrada

Modra

Na prvi pogled

Salt Lake City, UT, april 2010

Blue poročen Doc petintrideset dni, ko se je vrnil domov iz njegovega poslanstva. Devet let pozneje, je pokazala, da Blue, da dejansko ni verjel v Boga. Blue je opisano, kako duhovno lenobo v svoji zgodnji poroki prispevali k moževi krizo vere, kako je njena družina zdaj in deluje s svojo nenavadno dinamično in zakaj ona ostane na poroki in v Cerkvi.

Povej mi kaj o izpolnjevanju svojega moža.

V mojem patriarhalnem blagoslovu sem rekel, da bi pripeljala do pravične mladega moškega, ki bi me radi, in da bi se poročila in imela družino. Kot osemnajst let starih novincev v šoli, Doc me je našla in mi je hitro postala najboljša prijatelja. Medtem ko je bil v bistvu zaljubljen vame že od samega začetka, sem ničelno interes čaka misijonar in nekako upirali najemnin moja čustva razvijajo v tej smeri. Toda boljši prijatelji smo postali, bolj nemogoče je bilo za mene, da se uprejo, ki spadajo v ljubezni z njim.

Ali ste kdaj v dvomih, da je bila poroka doktor prava izbira za vas?

To leto, kot smo zrasli bliže, sem vedel, da če bi jo moral poročiti z njim bi morali vedeti, za prepričani, da je bil eden. Tako je prvič v mojem življenju, sem res na tešče, nameri o dobili odgovor. In na moje veselje, sem ga dobil. Vedela sem. Duh mi je pokazal moj odgovor na način, ki je potrjeno, da je bil moj tekmo. Jaz se ne bi uspelo skozi leta je bilo več, ne da bi zagotovila, da je bila prava stvar za narediti.

Poročila sva se približno mesec dni, ko njegova naloga končana, in se hitro naselili v vsakdan, ki je vključeval cerkev, delo in šolo. Na žalost nismo vzpostaviti navado branja svetih spisov in redno molijo skupaj. Danes imam pričevanje o pomenu redne preučevanje svetih spisov, ker je to naš oklep; to je način, da bomo lahko zaščitili sebe, vsak dan. Ampak Doc sva ne delam, da v času, ki sem ga čutijo privedla do kaj se je zgodilo potem.

V prvem letu najinega zakona, Doc odločili pogledati v nekaterih vprašanj, ki so prišli gor med svojo misijo okoli cerkve. On je šel v knjižnico BYU raziskavam teme in najti odgovore na svoja vprašanja. Povsem nepričakovano, saj je posegel v zgodovino bolj globoko, je začel izgubljati vero v Boga. Toda namesto da bi omenil ničesar, da bi mi o tem, da je samo to zadržal zase, ker je bila boleča.

Precej v tem prvem letu, je odšel iz resničnega in zvestega člana, da ne verjame v Boga več. Ampak še enkrat, ni mi povedal, kaj se je dogajalo znotraj, ker ni predvidela, kjer ta cesta je dogajalo. Mislil je, "sem lahko to delitve v. Ne morem živeti življenje mormonov, čeprav jaz ne verjamem, in to ne bo problem "Sploh se ni zavedal, da je, kot čas šel z njim, bi postali težje in težje za njega, da živimo v nasprotju s samim seboj.; da bi sčasoma rastejo utrujen od tega.

Ali je živeti, kot bi bil na verjel, Mormon za več let?

Da. Nadaljeval je, da hodi v cerkev in delo v poklicu. Povedal mi je enkrat, ko sem ga vprašal, zakaj, "To je dobra pot in pot je nagrada." Obstaja veliko stvari o cerkvi, ki ima rad. Uči dobrih načel na splošno, in to je njegova dediščina, saj prihaja iz pionirskega zalogi.

Po šoli smo se preselili v Chicagu, kjer je nadaljeval študij in doktoriral Oba sva res ljubil naš robnik tam. Je našel prijatelje na oddelku, ki je lahko povezani s člani, ki so imeli na vprašanja in niso samo "pogoltnili Kool-pomoč" (njegove besede). Mnogi od njih so našli način, da uskladijo svoja vprašanja in dvome v njihovo vero.

Kdaj je končno povedati, kaj bi on prišel verjeti?

Približno devet let, ko sva se poročila. Bila sem noseča z našo drugega otroka ... Sedel je poleg mene eno noč in nekako to šele prišel ven, da ni verjel v Boga. To me je ujela popolnoma off-straže. Sem spoznal, da ni bilo tako gung-ho o evangeliju, kot nekateri ljudje in so imeli različna vprašanja o naši cerkvi posebej, vendar pa je pošteno nikoli ni prišlo na misel, da ne verjamejo v Jezusa Kristusa kot našega Odrešenika.

Predlagal je, da sem samo verjel, ker sem bila postavljena v Združenih državah Amerike, in če bi bil jaz postavljeno na Japonskem, bi jaz verjamem v Bude. Če bi bil jaz odraščal v Indiji, bi verjel v hinduizmu. Nikoli nisem niti pomislil na to.

To je bila zemlja-razbitju realizacija zame. Doc je študiral, da je znanstvenik, in sem mislil, znanstveniki nimajo dnevnega reda, ki jih hočejo resnico. Torej, če sem prebral in študiral kot bi imel, bi sklenili, kaj je sklenila, in zato, da je verjetno prav. Pravkar sem uničil. Moje celo življenje premaknilo v trenutku. Moje celo prepričanje platforma je Jenki stran od mene. Lahko sem videl možnost, da vse, kar sem verjel, ni res; da morda sem si predstavljala. Mogoče je bilo vse v mojih možganih. Sem nenadoma ni mogel zaupati katero od duhovnih izkušenj, kar sem jih kdaj imel, preden ... razen enega.

Ko sem bil star petnajst let, sem bil na plaži, in dobil zanič daleč na morje. Po veliko časa trudijo, da bi ga na obalo, je bila moja energija porabljena in sem se borila, da se borijo za svoje življenje. Nenadoma, predlog je prišel na misel (ko sem bila tako utrujena in utrujeni), ki bi moral sem se malo zadremal, da bi dobili svojo moč nazaj, in potem sem lahko še naprej poskušali. Nisem zares jasno razmišljanje, in mislil sem si: "Ja, to bi bilo dobro." Sem samo zaprem oči, da to storite, če tisto, kar je zvenel kot slišnim moškega glasu, preboden skozi meglo v glavi in ​​odločno poučenega me, "Molite!"

Takoj sem sunkovito nazaj k budnosti, in odvrnil v mislih z njim, rekoč: "Ne morem moliti, da ne morem priti do dna oceana poklekniti." Potem sem videl moje življenje bliskavico pred mano. To je tako čudno in neverjetno doživetje. Ti bi si mislil, da bo trajalo dolgo časa, vendar je bilo skoraj tako, kot je trenutna zavest o vsem, pri čemer se nekatere stvari izpostavil vse naenkrat, v tem primeru vse lekcije, sem slišal, kako molimo kjerkoli, o ničemer, ni važno kaj. Ta izkušnja ni videti, da se porabi časa, in to je bilo prvič, da sem spoznal, da nisem imel pojma o nekaj načinov Bog ima za komuniciranje. Enostavno sem rekel: »Nebeški Oče, prosim pomagajte mi." Ne tipične formalnosti, ali celo "amen" na koncu. In ne vem, kaj se je zgodilo, ampak da je bila zadnja stvar, ki sem se spomnil, preden sem se zbudila na pesku, z malo sončne opekline od tega, da je, medtem ko.

To se je zgodilo na mehurji vroč dan v času olimpijskih igrah 1984 v Los Angelesu, in plaža je popolnoma zapakirane. Ko sem se zbudil, sem pogledal naokoli. Nihče ni bil pozoren do mene. Nobena oseba, ki me je rešil, ali pa bi si bil z mano. Ko mi spomin, kaj se je zgodilo tam udaril, spoznanje, da je Bog resnično, in ne samo to, ampak on me pozna, enostavno mi preobremenjeni. Nekako me je rešil pred vodni grob. Da je name zgrabijo in ohraniti za nekatere namene. Moje življenje je pomembno. Držal sem na te izkušnje za let.

Ko mi spomin, kaj se je zgodilo hit, spoznanje, da je Bog resnično, in ne samo to, ampak on me pozna, enostavno mi preobremenjeni. Nekako me je rešil pred vodni grob. Da je name zgrabijo in ohraniti za nekatere namene. Moje življenje je pomembno.

Torej, tisto noč, ko me je moj dragi mož je rekel, da ne verjame v Boga, čeprav bi jaz skoraj razložiti vse ostale, da je bila ena duhovna izkušnja ne morem prezreti. Ni bilo preprosto ni druge razlage.


Na tej točki ti je povedal, da je, da bi bil dvom devet let?

Da. Pri devetih letih je imel skrivnost, da nisem vedel o tem ... kar samo po sebi čutil kot izdajstvo. Mislil sem si: "Toda mi poveva vse. Kako bi to lahko bilo? "Od takrat je rekel večkrat, da je želel, da bi mi povedal, že od samega začetka svojega krizi vere.

Potem, ko mi je pripovedoval o izgubi vere, ni veliko spremenilo naš dan za dnem. Imel sem svojo krizo vere v odgovor na njegovo, vendar smo še vedno živeli kot aktivnih vernikov, plača desetino udeležili cerkev, služil v našem poklicu in užival štipendijo našega oddelka. Toda, ko je končal doktorat, smo se preselili v New England, in Doc imel težave pri iskanju morebitnih topel povezati z našo novo oddelku. Oba sva bila trpi duhovno. On ni želel razočarati svojo družino in da ni razkrila svojo izgubo vere za vsakega izmed njih. Tako da je bilo to velika skrivnost, da sem moral sam nositi. Po borijo z njim za nekaj let, sem ga spodbuja, da se pogovorite s škofom o tem, kje je bil s svojo vero. Sčasoma se je strinjal, da, in naš škof (ki je bil tudi znanstveno usposobljeni) spodbujati Doc samo delitve v svojih prepričanj. Ki je pomagal za nekaj časa.

In z "delitve v" misliš živo kot Mormonovo in delo, njegove teološke vprašanj v sebi?

Da. Ampak za mojega moža, da ni občutek, kot da je vse izšlo. Mislil je, "ne verjamem. Ne vem, tam je Bog. Ne verjamem, da lahko vsakdo vedeti. "

Ali je kdaj šel skozi v času, ko je poskusil, da hitro in molite in berite njegove spise, da delajo iz svoje duhovne težave, ali misliš, da ga soočiti z znanstvenim pristopom?

Mislim, da je prišel do zaključka, da bi on preživel dve polni leti branju, molitvi, proučevanje in poučevanje evangelija vsak dan, kot misijonar, in da ne bi bilo smiselno ponovno poskuša to pot. Študira tudi človeške možgane v svojem poklicu, ki pravi, je neverjetno, organ, ki vemo skoraj ničesar, tudi zdaj. Rekel mi je: "Ne bi zaupal nobenih odgovorov sem dobil, ker so naši možgani sposobni proizvajati izjemne izkušnje in jih interpretirati s pomočjo naših življenjskih izkušenj. Oni ne pomeni nujno, kar mislimo, da pomeni ". Vedno sem se počutil, kot je bilo to urejeno in priročen izgovor, saj ne pušča prostora za vero v svojem življenju, samo prepričanja na podlagi dokazov. Ampak to je dejal, njegov Zdi se, da je bil iskren padec iz vere, kljub splošnemu prepričanju, da "mora grešil ali naredil kaj za izgubiti Svetega Duha." Priznam, da sem mislil, da je tudi na prvi.

Vendar menim, da smo lahko izgubili svojo pot, tako da v neprevidnosti, dvoma in greha. Moj mož in jaz sva nepreviden o branju svetih spisov in rekel molitve. Zabavali smo dvome, in vsi smo greh vsak dan. Potrebujemo odkupno daritev in redno kesanje v našem življenju, če smo ohraniti duha pri nas. Če ne bomo sami zavarovati pred temi stvarmi, potem smo v nevarnosti, da stvari, ki jih sploh ne poznajo, so tam. To so majhne in preproste stvari, ki prinašajo velike stvari opraviti, kot močno pričevanje in smisel. Kaj je "manjša" od molitve in branje svetih spisov? Kaj je enostavnejši kot študira njegovo besedo in hranjenje naše duhove in se spomnimo Mu vsak dan?

Prosim, govori o tem, kako si boril z izgubo Doc vere.

Po moj prvotni šok nosil off, pa moram priznati, da igrajo "Naj bo Deal" z Bogom. Molila sem: "V redu, nebeški Oče, če boste potrebovali, da bi me slepi ali pohabljajo me, ali nam nekaj poskusov, da bi ga ponižen, to je majhna cena za dušo mojega moža." To ni trajalo dolgo me zavedati, da je to ni, kako Bog deluje (in da nisem bil vse, kar sem se ponižal).

Minila so leta in njegov agnosticizem postal ogromen klin med nami. To ni povsem njegova krivda. Veliko ljudi gleda na mene in rekel: "Oh, ti si svetnik za obešanje tam", ampak dejstvo je, da sem veliko stvari, ki so prispevale k situaciji, preveč. Po moje začetno kriza vere je minilo, sem odločen, da ostanejo v bližini cerkve in sem imel blagoslov in podporo Doc v to, ampak od takrat naprej je moje stališče, "da imam prav in da je narobe." Mislil sem, da očitno sem sem vernik, tako da sem na desno. Domišljav pa res pametna oblika ponosa.

Tako dolgo časa sem delovala, kot da bi bile vse naše težave, povsem njegova krivda. Mislil sem, da stvari, kot so: "Če bi mi rekel, ko se je zgodilo, preden sva imela otroke, bi bil to no-brainer. Nisem dovolj močan v svoji veri, da bi se poročila z zaprla odpadnik! Rabim moškega sem lahko nagne naprej. "Toda zdaj smo imeli lepe otroke, da razmisli, in oba želita, kaj je najbolje za njih, da ne govorimo o tem, da on in jaz ljubiva.

Moj odnos služil le, da bi se počutil kot nič, da je bil dovolj dober. Spominjam se ga, rekoč: "Jaz bom šel na mojem grobu vedoč, da sem vas razočaral. Ni šans, da sem lahko to razveljavite, in to je samo tragična. Nisem hotela, da bi zvezda lastnega osebnega Shakespearovo tragedijo. "To je samo žalostno, in iz njegovega vidika ni nobene poti okoli njega. Pa ni pričakovati, da se to zgodi. Nobeden od naju ni prosil za to, ampak to je tisto, kar je.

Torej, kaj se je zgodilo potem?

Stvari izrodila veliko. Najin odnos je postal zelo skalnata. Nisem delal dobro duhovno sam, in končno da je tako slabo, da en dan sem si mislil, da lahko pustite cerkev. Nihče ne bi tukaj vseeno, in da bi odstranili ta velik razkol v moji poroki, bi bilo mogoče izboljšati nekaj v mojem življenju.

Spomnim se še nisem preučeval evangelij sam za let na tej točki (zunaj prisotnosti cerkve), vključno z branjem revije Ensign. Vendar iz neznanega razloga, ko sem se spopadam z mojo zvezo s Cerkvijo, praporščak prišel po pošti in sem začel branje Predsednik Hinckley članek, kjer je obljubil nekatere blagoslove bi prišel v naše življenje, če bi beremo vsak dan in končati knjigo Mormonova pred koncem leta. Zaradi neznanega razloga, sem mislil, da "bom to malo izziv." To bi bilo nekako slovo "Hail Mary" v mormonski cerkvi. Nisem vedel, da je to izziv, se dogaja, da postane gibanje cerkev svetu.

Začel sem branje svetih spisov dosledno vsak dan, in po nekaj mesecih sem nekako razvila pričevanje Mormonovo knjigo. Spomnim se trenutka, ko se je zgodilo. Knjiga je postala skoraj tako epski film, medtem ko berete vojnih poglavij Alma. Pred tem nisem mogla obdržati nikomur naravnost in večina jih ni smisla, da me. Bilo je lepo verzi tu in tam, vendar nisem dobil vso to govorjenje o vojni. Torej, kako presenetljivo, da je bilo v vojnih poglavij, duh te velike knjige so začeli delati v meni! Nenadoma sem lahko skoraj "videti" ljudi, da so živi in ​​različni posamezniki in mi je bilo, kot da sem čutil, in občutek, kaj so bili doživlja vicariously. Bilo je neverjetno, duhovna izkušnja. Sem preživel cel dan branje ... dobesedno sem izgubil v njej in je bilo okusno, tako da so ljudje, opisane prej, vendar še nikoli nisem doživela.

Torej sem končno imel ta mali Mormonova knjiga vere, in jaz sem bil skoraj tako kot, "Oh, super!" Iskreno, sem nekako upal, da ni res, da sem lahko zapustil cerkev s čisto vestjo. Ampak zdaj sem moral ostati. Vedel sem, da nekaj na način, nikoli nisem imel prej. In da je težko, ampak je bil tudi dober. Ker je prvič sem imel to jedro Bonafide vere .... in je bil najmanjši mali kernel ... ampak to je resnično. Končno moje pričevanje ni bilo samo na podlagi prepričanja, ali sprejema ali vzgoje ali socialnih prijatelji. Sem ostal v cerkvi, ker ga darn, res je.


Ste bili razburjeni, ker nisi na koncu z življenjem si je predvidel za sebe?

Ni dvoma, da sem preživel veliko časa gostovanje slavno usmiljenja zabavo! Moje stališče je bilo, "sem naredil vse, kar je prav. Sem se poročil v templju in naredil vse, kar sem se naučil. To se ne bi smelo zgoditi! "Nihče mi povedali" Nastavite svoje cilje, če pa življenje ni izšlo tako, kot si načrtovano ... ".

Ni dvoma, da sem preživel veliko časa gostovanje slavno usmiljenja zabavo! Moje stališče je bilo, "sem naredil vse, kar je prav. Sem se poročil v templju in naredil vse, kar sem se naučil. To se ne bi smelo zgoditi! "

Torej, ko se stvari ni izšlo tako, kot sem pričakovano, sem ujela-straže. Mislim, da je to nekaj, kar lahko storimo bolje pripraviti naše otroke in sebe-z znanjem in zavedanjem, potrebne za obvladovanje nepričakovanih življenjskih dogodkov. Govori o tem, kako srečno živeti z nepričakovane spremembe, še posebej v družinah. Satan bo uporabil vse kar lahko, da bi raztrgala družin, in nasprotnik začel uporabljati odločitev mojega moža in prepričanja dvoma v mojih mislih, o tem, ali naj ostanejo v mojem zakonu ali ne. Mislim, ne bi bilo bolje za mene, da ga zapustijo in gredo našli pravičnega človeka, ki želi dvigniti otroke Mormon? To je ideja, da sem moral boriti in se boriš.

Vi in vaša družina preselila v Salt Lake tako da bi Doc udeležiti zdravstveni šoli, čeprav je bil že uveljavljen v svoji znanstveni karieri. Kako so se stvari spremenile za vas kot družina, saj te odločitve?

Vedel sem, da zdravstveni šoli, bi bilo težko; Mislil sem, da sem vedel, kaj smo bili v za kot par in družino. Ampak nisem imel pojma, kako strog in zahteven, bi bilo proces. Sem sprejela, ko smo bili kot naš "novo normalno", in ugotovil, da bomo samo pelji ven za vedno, z Doc kot zaprla heretika, ki živi kot vernika. Ampak, ko sva bila v šoli par let, je prišel do mene in rekel: "Ne morem več početi tega. Ne morem živeti v laži. Moram začeti na robu pot iz cerkve. "Ustavil se je ob zakrament, in na nekatere druge spremembe, ki so bile zelo odigral zame. Jaz bi bil tako všeč, kako sva bila, in to je še ena sprememba. Imela sem res težko z že nekaterih drugih bojev, in to me je prevrnil rob. Sem padel v globoko depresijo, ki je od mene zahtevala, da potegnite v in izpustil veliko stvari, samo da bi preživeli.

Zakaj je to tako težko za vas, da vidite Doc dejansko zapusti cerkev, ko boš že leta ni verjel?

Bilo je težko, ker ljubim ga! Prav tako sem se počutil, kot da je moje delo, da ga popraviti. In to tako dolgo, kot je njegova edina borba ni bila prepričanje, potem pa bi morali imeti svojo spremembo v srcu in nihče ne bo nikoli vedel, kaj sva dala skozi. Robljenje pot iz živi kot Mormonovo prestrašil me je kot nič drugega. Sem zaskrbljen nad svojo dušo, kot še nikoli prej.

Potem sem bil na kosilu s prijateljico, ki je bil v podobnem položaju, vendar po so bili poročeni mož dejansko postala popolnoma anti-Mormon. On nikoli ni stopil v cerkev, in začel kar veliko enakih izbir moje bile narejene. Je končno odločila, "sem lahko bodisi ga sprejme, kdo je on, ker je super oče, velik mož in ljubim ga, ali moram ga izpustili, ker to ni moja naloga, da bi se počutil, kot da je ni dovolj dobra. "Rekla je, da je najtežji proces, vendar je končno sklenil mir s svojim položajem. Bilo je težko, da bi prekinil te navade mu sodeč, ko pa je ona, njuno razmerje se približali in stvari res izboljšale.

V tistem trenutku sem imel razodetje, da je tisto, kar sem počel je držal nazaj svojo ljubezen, pri čemer kritično Doc, je videti na motes v njegovih očeh, in ignoriranje moje žarke. Imel sem veliko kesanju storiti zaradi tega, in sem se počutil resnično ponižen za vse bolelo, da sem mu povzročil z mojo presojo in ponosa. Napisala sem mu pismo, in izrazil koliko ga ljubim, in kako mi je žal za vsa leta sem imel v posesti nazaj svojo ljubezen in sprejemanje in je počutil slabo o stvareh. Zahvalil sem se mu za vse čudovite stvari o njem, vključno s tem, kako se mu je štrlela z mano skozi vse, če bi imeli toliko drugih moških pravkar odšel in nikoli pogledal nazaj. Trajalo je veliko težo off mojih ramenih, da bi končno imeli ta vpogled, in sem tako hvaležen za to prisrčnem usmiljenju.

Kako se je spremenil stvari?

To je res težko za mene, da spremenite navade, in sem moral delati na ne govorijo stvari Rekel bi v preteklosti. Vendar smo zapečatena skupaj in želim biti z njim za vedno. Ne pretvarjam se, da razumejo ins in outs vse to, ampak mislim, da če bom živel, kot tudi, kot sem lahko, da je vse, kar imam nadzor nad. Če bi radi Doc kot brezpogojno, kot sem lahko, tako kot ga je naš Odrešenik ljubi, to je vse kar lahko naredim. Ne vem, kako se bo vse izšlo, sem pa nekako ne skrbi o tem, kako sem uporabil, da bo. Sem čutil mir o njem dokončno.

Če bi radi Doc kot brezpogojno, kot sem lahko, tako kot ga je naš Odrešenik ljubi, to je vse kar lahko naredim. Ne vem, kako se bo vse izšlo, sem pa nekako ne skrbi o tem, kako sem uporabil, da bo. Sem čutil mir o njem dokončno.

Kot sem že omenil, sem mislil, da je moja naloga, da bi ga rešil. Imam še veliko naučiti o sprave, in me skrbi, kako bodo njegove odločitve vplivajo na naše otroke prek svojih najstniških letih in pozneje. Lahko borijo na načine, ki jih morda ne bi, če bi on bil močan član zgled v Cerkvi., In da me je strah tako kot, da bi kateri koli mamo. Ne vem, kakšne stvari, ki jih bomo morali obravnavati, ampak vem, da nihče ne pride skozi to življenje brez lastnega meri sklop okoliščin in priložnosti za učenje in rast ter dokazovanje sebe. Bomo vsi delamo velike napake, a nebeški Oče nas ljubi anyway. Jaz bi samo rad, da mu postanemo podobni.

Katere stvari so pomagale poroko najbolj?

Mislim, da je stvar, ki je pomagala najin zakon bil jaz mi pomagal. To je vključevalo iskanju dobrega terapevta za delo. Bilo je toliko različnih stvari, ki sem jih moral obravnavati-stvari, ki so se zgodile v času mojega vzgoje, ki je prizadela mojo samozavest in svoj občutek identitete, kakor tudi vse moje odnose. Razvijanje pristno vero v Kristusa, je bil velik ključ. On je bil vedno blizu mene, tudi ko nisem vedel. Jaz sem ugotovila, da vsakdo se bori, da ugotovimo, kdo v resnici so in zakaj so tu. Zdaj vem, da ne obstaja le en način, da se Mormon. Zavedajoč se, da ga lahko poskusite narediti vse, kar je "pravo", ampak ste še vedno dogaja, da imajo poskusov, in da oni pravzaprav blagoslov v preobleki. Odrešenik je dejansko storil vse, kar je pravo, in je še imel poskusov. Brez izkušenj DOC ne bi šli skozi potovanja, kar je povzročilo malo dobrovernega vere, ki še vedno raste. Kljub temu, kako boleče je bilo v času, sem zelo hvaležen, da so moji dragi mož, lepe otroke in pričevanje v mojem srcu. Doc je imel prav, Potovanje je nagrada!

Na prvi pogled

Modra


LDS_woman_photo_BlueCOLOR
Lokacija: Salt Lake City, UT

Starost: 41

Zakonski stan: poročen 20 let

Poklic: Flight Attendant

Šole Obiskoval: Brigham Young University

Jeziki at Home: Angleščina

Favorite Himna: "Kako Firm Foundation" še posebej v zadnjih štirih verzov, ki jih nikoli ne pojejo!

Intervju z Šela rudar . Foto uporablja z dovoljenjem.

31 Komentarji

  1. Pam
    08:06 na 5. maj 2010

    Nisem več Mormon, ampak mi je všeč ta stran in imajo ogromno spoštovanja do mojih prijateljev LDS. Sem zapustil zaradi osebne integritete, in ker je bilo nezdravo, da ostanem, ko ne bom več verjel v tako veliko dogme. Kot sem boril z mojo lastno nezadovoljstva iz cerkve, je bila moja vera v Kristusa, ki me je utrpela skozi bolečino učenje vse, kar sem naredil okoli cerkve in to je zgodovina. Ne strinjam se z idejo, da je duhovna lenoba, mnogi, ki pusti, bodisi duševno ali dejansko izstopil iz študije cerkve zelo marljivo in molite prav tako težko.

    Imel sem čas, ko sem dvomiti v obstoj Boga, mislim, da smo vsi storiti, zato razumem tiste, ki so agnostik, so povedali, da ne vem, zato ne verjamem, ampak jaz sem tisti, ki se nagiba, da se vrnete na mojo vero, hvali Boga in beseda, ki v končni fazi zagotavlja udobje. Moje pričevanje o Kristusu in Bogu ni nikoli temeljila na cerkvi; za mene, da niso eno in isto. Me veseli, da si priznal, da ni važno, kaj lahko njegova vera stanje se zdaj je vaša brezpogojna ljubezen drug za drugega, najbolj pomembno. Ko je vse povedano in storjeno, čisto in preprosto evangelij našega Gospoda je tik ljubiti Boga in drug drugega.

  2. lemon pridelovalec
    10:28 na 5. maj 2010

    To je neverjetno pomirjujoč članek. Moj mož je ta priznal, da mi je pri 21 + letih zakona. Je prišel kot popoln šok. Služil je kot škof v tem času in je očitno čutil, skoraj enako za vaš način vaš mož opisuje. Poskušal je toliko in toliko časa, kolikor je le mogel delitve v in zdaj ne more več. Želi za otroke in jaz, da ostanejo aktivni. Misli, da je cerkev dobra stvar "za večino ljudi" - ampak za sebe, ne more več dohajati fasado.

    Bil sem pripravljen živeti s tem in dela na njem - ampak je to mu je občutek, da mora zapustiti svojo poroko - da del problema, je pritisk, da živijo do nečesa v oddelku, kjer so ga ljudje videli kot njihovi Nekdanji škof, in če mu njegovi otroci videli vsak dan. In mislim, da krivdo ... z nekako ne morejo biti osebe, mislil sem, da je.

    Ne verjamem, da se zaveda, kako tolerantna sem od vsega tega. Videl sem malo razpoke v fasadi tu in tam, vendar ni imel pojma, je po njegovem mnenju sam mormon "ateist".

    Se mi zdi pomirjujoče vedeti, drugi so šli skozi podobne stvari.

    Trenutno smo ločeni. Vidim le malo upanja za spravo na njegovem koncu. Ampak jaz še vedno ga ljubim, ne glede na svoje dvome in občutke o cerkvi.

  3. (Popravek Oops! Na zadnji vrstici.) Mir Seeker
    15:37 na 5. maj 2010

    Zahvaljujemo se vam za delitev svojo zgodbo. Prav tako sem prišel na veliko istih razumevanj zaradi mojih poskusov. Sem imel podobno situacijo na svoj plaže zgodbe, ki jih ni mogoče razložiti; zaradi česar je jasno, da je Bog resnično zelo fizikalni način in bi lahko naredil, kaj vse je želel. Vendar pa nikoli ne bo uporabil to pristojnost nekoga prisiliti v nebesih. Vendar me ohranja dogaja več, da so mali čudeži in sporočila Boga na tej poti. Spoznal sem, da če smo resnično Kristusove bomo sprejeli ljudi, za kaj vse so na ravni, če jih ne škoduje drugim, mentalno, čustveno, fizično, duhovno in / ali spolno. Dokler so živi dobro življenje in so prijazni do ljudi, ki ne škodujejo drugim, potem nimam težav z njihovim načinom življenja. Vem, da mnogi mormoni, ki živijo v tako imenovanih pravil in še jih imajo srca kamna ali glavah polnih zraka. Imam sestro, ki je zapustil cerkev, ker takih ljudi. Ona je najslajša oseba, ki ne bi poškodoval niti muhe. Verjamem, da Bog ljubi zaradi tega. On pošlje steze svojo pot od časa do časa, ker jo želi obrniti nanj; zato, ker jo ljubi. Vendar jo je blagoslovil tudi z nečim, kar sem želela vse moje življenje in jaz sem še vedno aktiven član. Pogosto sem prinesel dol z žalostjo nad grenkobe in sovraštva, ki prizadene me drugi. Ne boj za obup in si prizadevati za spretnosti, učiti druge, da se ljubimo med seboj. Vem, da nekega dne bom prejeli moje pravične želje kljub kako mi omogoča sodili kot Jobu na trenutke. ". Čeprav je ubil mene, vendar bom zaupal vanj" Job 1: 4-5. Ugotovil sem, da ni nobenega drugega vira, da se obrnejo na tem svetu. Razglašam tudi Peter razglasili, ko mu je Odrešenik je vprašal, če je bil tekoč, da ga zapusti tudi: »Gospod, h komu naj gremo? ti imaš besede večnega življenja. "

  4. Brett Nielson
    08:37 na 5. maj 2010

    Ljubezen, kaj si tukaj delijo Blue. Claudia in jaz te imam zelo veliko, in po branju vašega kos, ljubimo Doc preveč. Seveda si želimo, da je bil vernik še vedno, vendar pa smo ga sprejeli za dobro osebe, ki jo je za vas in otroke. Imejte ostal močan v veri! Vse to bo vredno. Lahko rečem, da je bila moja vera poskušala max večkrat, ampak jaz še vedno odločijo, da verjameš ... in imaš prav, branje svetih spisov in delaš vse osnovne majhne stvari, ki so življenjsko linijo vere. Daj tiste up in naša pričevanje zlahka napadli. Lahko bi napisal več o tem, kako so domnevni "History" vprašanja cerkve ni razloga, da naj dvoma nas preplavijo, ampak bom Uzdržavati za zdaj. Praznujemo svojo moč in vse, kar ste se naučili!

  5. Melly
    10:32 na 5. maj 2010

    Hvala za vašo iskrenost in odprtost, dragi Blue! Si bo moč tistim, ki se borijo. Ste se naučili pomena brezpogojne ljubezni ... vera lahko postane znanje, ki ga imate! Nimamo vedno slepo hoditi, kajne? Obstaja velika dobrota na tem svetu - vsi, ki prihaja iz tega vira večne resnice in svetlobe. Albert Einstein je rekel, da je najbolje, "Lahko živite življenje na dva načina:. Eden je, kot da nič ni čudež, drugi pa je, kot da je vse" Izbrali ste videli čudeže -regardless o izidu, in vam bo za vedno blagoslovil. Moj hubby in gledam na vas - imate ogromno poguma, in vemo, Doc ve, da te ljubi in za vse, kar ste. Imaš lepo dušo, in hvaležen sem, da te pokličem mojega dragega prijatelja!

  6. chris
    01:26 na 6. maj 2010

    Počutim za vaše bojev in sem vesel za veselje, ki ste jih bili sposobni prepoznati, čeprav se stvari ne izkažejo kot je bilo načrtovano. Mislim, da je ta zgodba nam res daje zgled, kaj vztrajali do konca, ne pomeni sodbo namenjeno. Enduring ni enostavno ... tudi preroki, molite, da bi mogli živeti. Naprej na to in prosimo, nikoli oddaljila od svoje vere.

  7. Suzy
    09:54 na 9. maj 2010

    Bravo Blue! Zelo sem ponosen na vse, kar so storili, in še vedno počne. Obožujem linijo, "Nihče ne pričakuje, da bi se to zgodilo, nobeden od nas prosil za to!" Vem, da zagotovo ni pred 21 leti, ko se je začela moja oh tako podoben zakon. Življenje ne bi bilo vse to super, če bi vedel, kaj je za vsakim vogalom. Samo zapomni si, kako velik je občutek, ko ugotovimo somthing res težko ven? Boste dosegli nalogo donting? Ja, res je krivulja krogle bi bilo težko, pa pozabijo na otroke, jih izloči obveznosti smo jih naredili, tudi odložite ljubezen do drugega in ne pozabite, da je ena stvar ...... "vredno vsaka duša" - oh ya, vsaki duši. Doc je vredno.

  8. Chrysula Winegar
    11:29 na 13. maj 2010

    Omamljanje intervju. In ni tako nenavadno dinamičen. Vam pošiljam tako stalno moč, predanost in stalno zmogljivost za resnično videti in slišati drug drugega. Obstaja cel kup zakonskih zvez tam z dvema pobožni verniki, ki nimajo kaj vidva imela.

  9. Twyla
    09:46 na 13. maj 2010

    Hvala za ta intervju, pa mi je dal moč in razumevanje, kaj je moj mož je šel skozi. To mi je tudi dal poguma, da bi ga vprašal, ker sem bil začenja čutiti, kot da je bil razburjen in uničen z mano, ko izvem, da je lord.
    Mislim, da se boji, da ga bo zapustil, če ne ostanete v cerkvi in ​​nikoli ne bo, ker cerkev ni to, kar mu je naredil dober človek in čudovit oče. On bo tako vreme, da ima vero v cerkvi ali v boga, ali če je prepričan, da smo vsi ustvarjamo svojo lastno usodo.
    Povedal mi je, da je bolan, da bi šel skozi poskuse in razumem, kaj pomeni, jaz sem tudi v nekaterih točkah. Ampak jaz pripisujejo nekatere od številnih blagoslovih, ki jih imamo na delo gospodov in on ga pripisuje mansarda delo in odločitve.
    Na trenutke v naši poroki sem se počutil, kot da sem moral nositi vero v našo družino, in da je bilo težko biti, da sem spreobrnjenec in vedo zelo malo o cerkvi.
    I love my husband so much and I am so thankful to have him in my life because he is proof of blessings and love. He has put up with many of my issues and things that I am not dealing with very well, from my past.
    I wish at times there was something I could do to change his mind but I can't control how he feels or what choices he makes. I can only chose to love him with all my heart and show him what it means to have unconditional love.
    I wish I had another way of contacting you so I could get to know you better. Thankyou once again this is exactly what I needed to read.
    One other thing I wonder sometimes if we aren't given the same trials over and over again because we didn't learn it the previous times and so we have to go through it again so we can learn. It is our choice as to how we react and deal with them. Maybe sometimes we just need to realise that life isn't as simple as we would like it to be.

  10. Bree
    10:03 am on May 20th, 2010

    I just wanted to say thanks for sharing this touching story. I can relate to how you have felt Blue. A little over a year ago my entire family (excluding my brother who was on his mission) left the church. It was the most confusing, sad, and frustrating time in my life. I went through so many struggles watching them live their new lives after 20+ years of actively living the gospel. I had to take action and get answers for myself. I started reading the scriptures and praying more then I ever had before. All the while I had a fear for my dear brother returning home from his mission and learning of my families new beliefs, I did not want him to ever feel the way I did. My brother has been home for a few weeks now and we have talked about our family. He told me that things like this can happen to anyone. That all we have to do is love them and be examples to them the best we can.

    After talking to my brother I then realized the pity party I had been hosting for myself the last year or so. It still gets really hard and frustrating but I'm trying.

    I honestly thought I was the only person to have gone through something like this. I'm grateful that we have each other to lean on and share each others bourdens. I'm glad I'm not alone. Thanks for your example and strength Blue.

    I may not know all the answers to my families concerns but I could never deny the very personal and special experiences I have had and the things I have felt to ever lead me away from this Gospel.

  11. Valerie
    9:27 am on May 21st, 2010

    Wow! What a thought provoking article! This is your long, lost friend from growing up, Blue. I just wanted to tell you that I admire your faith and courage so much. We can learn so much from our life experiences. I am a true example of having life not turn out quite the way I planned. It is so refreshing to see someone like you turn a difficult experience around and become stronger in faith and more wise in perspective for having lived through it. Thank you for helping my testimony by giving me one more reminder that life is what we make it.

  12. Anne
    11:06 am on May 22nd, 2010

    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I am in a very similar situation right now. I am watching my husband's thin cord of faith very loosely hold him to the church, and it is looking very close to becoming severed completely. I appreciate the insights you shared. The main feeling I have received from the Spirit is to simply love him and have hope. I, like you, don't know how all this will end, but ultimately Christ doesn't want us to give up on those who are dearest to us. Sending you much love as a fellow sister in the gospel

  13. Cath
    7:07 pm on May 23rd, 2010

    I commend you for your faith and the way it coexists with love for your husband. Although these dynamics must be challenging, I think you are thriving beautifully. And doing exactly what God would have you do. You're an inspiration. Although I do not struggle with the same trial, I know many women in a similar situation. I'm sure your words and story will uplift many. Thanks for being brave enough to share. And to do it with such honesty.

  14. John
    2:04 am on May 24th, 2010

    Dear Blue, I can relate to your story although not the way you might expect. After growing up in the Church, going on a mission and being married in the Temple, I left the Church about ten years into our marriage. As you can appreciate, this was not what my wife had bargained for. As she prayed for guidance, the answer she received was simply to love me. As she tells it, her response was that she didn't want to love me. Never-the-less she did. While I never expected to have anything to do with the Church again, after fifteen years away something happened that started me back on the road that led to my eventual return. Today, my wife and I are preparing to serve in the Temple starting next month and hope to submit paperwork to go on a mission sometime next year. Miracles do happen although not on our timetable. Keep your children close to you and teach them the Gospel. They may turn out to be instruments in the Lord's hand in bringing your husband back to the Church.

    Regarding those who let some event in Church History destroy their faith, I like Davis Bitton's response, “I don't have a testimony of the History of the Church… there are faithful Latter-day Saint historians who know as much about this subject as any anti-Mormon or as anyone who writes on the subject from an outside perspective. With few exceptions, they know much, much more. They have not been blown away. They have not gnashed their teeth and abandoned their faith.” History is a human endeavor that must inevitably involve someone's perspective. Imagine what the Book of Mormon would be like from the perspective of the Lamanites rather than the Nephite Prophets. Would it surprise or shock you to learn that they saw the same events differently? Which would be the more accurate representation of what “actually” happened? How can we really tell for certain what actually happened? Even if it were somehow possible to be an eye witness, could we be certain that we saw everything and reported and understood all points of view accurately? Can I be totally “objective”? I don't believe it is humanly possible. While I expect that most all of us have questions about things that happened in the past whether in our own family or concerning historical events or people, our curiosity may have to wait until that day when we can experience God's version of “You Are There” which includes the ability to read peoples minds and understand their motivations as well as observe their actions. Until then, I too do not have a testimony of Church History – or any history for that matter. That doesn't mean I throw it all out, just that I understand the limitations and the need to be cautious in the conclusions I make based on it. I thank the Lord that I'm not the judge of anyone based on what is available in history books.

    I think your analysis of the importance of prayer and scripture study is correct. As Alma said: “…if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?” (Alma 5:26) Testimony is not an event so much as it is a way of life. We have to be willing to ask, to knock, to invite God into our lives, not once but on a regular basis. In my own case, I not only was not doing these things but I entertained the notion that I was fatally flawed, unworthy and hopelessly doomed. While that hasn't changed, my understanding of repentance and the atonement has helped me appreciate the need for a savior and seek for His help that only He can give.

    May God bless you!

  15. Alyson (New England Living)
    12:04 pm on June 3rd, 2010

    I just love Blue! I have for a long time, but this makes me love her all the more! What an amazing journey. I can really identify with both you and your husband. I'm still in the midst of my crisis of faith and I can completely understand his point of view and I can understand your's too. I want to make whatever faith I do have work. I want to see this thing through, if I can.

    I don't think any of us really understand how things will be sorted out on the other side. I think that part is meant to remain a mystery for us, but I really love your attitude and realizing all you can do is control your behaviors and beliefs and the rest you need to just accept and not try to change.

    You are an amazing woman, Blue!

  16. dc
    2:23 pm on June 7th, 2010

    Oh heavens. Thank you so much. Last week my boyfriend of six months- who is also my best friend of much longer than that- told me he's not sure if he believes in God anymore. I went back and forth between feeling like I had to break it off to knowing what pain it would cause me to let go of what we have. Right now, my thoughts and feelings are that we can't control others, and we don't know the future. All I know is what I've experienced so far, so that's what I have to go off of. So, I'll stay by his side for as long as he'll let me. Hopefully that's forever.

  17. Whitney Johnson
    8:58 pm on July 8th, 2010

    This was a wonderful interview. Thank you Bleu for sharing your story.

  18. Todd147
    8:07 am on August 5th, 2010

    Hvala za delitev svojo zgodbo.

    Just as there are stages in our physical growth, there are stages in spiritual development. It's actually quite normal for maturing spirits to reject organized religion at some point. With your support, he can find God again.

  19. Michelle
    8:02 pm on October 25th, 2010

    I admit that I tend to see things as “black or white”. I think I've always been that way. But, as I encounter people struggling with their faith, including my own siblings, I start to see that there is pure genius, as well as love, justice and mercy, driving the plan of salvation. There is a way, always a way, no matter how impossible it seems to our finite minds, to return to Christ.

    My older brother committed suicide 11 years ago and I thought that was the end of his soul at first. But, as I came to experience the atonement healing me, I knew that there must be a way for it to still heal my brother — even on the Other Side.

    The Book of Mormon describes the atonement as “infinite and eternal” and Doctrine and Covenants 138 talks about v. 58 “The dead who repent will be redeemed, through obedience to the ordinances of the house of God,
    59 And after they have paid the penalty of their transgressions, and are washed clean, shall receive a reward according to their works, for they are heirs of salvation.”

    This whole plan is so intricate and enormous and so all-encompassing and so wonderful and JOY-full that I've learned that we need not worry so much. Like Blue and many comments have said: the whole point is for us to work out our own salvation and just love everyone else.

    I've always loved a phrase that Pres. Monson said years ago, “Membership [in the Church] is more about who has your heart than who has your records.” It motivates me to not only live the Mormon life but to really feel it and experience it — for my membership to more than a number, but a truly sanctifying experience. My younger brother has also lost his faith and he has a beautiful heart. And as long as he's my brother (which is permanent), I will love him (forever!). I just want him to be happy. I'm not sure that unhappily going through the motions is the right thing to do anymore. I'm not sure that severing ties is right either. Of course, in the end, we just want them to have faith that can qualify for the Kingdom. In the meantime, if they feel our love and support, they will hopefully feel that ownership and empowerment to find out who they are and what life means to them, and somehow — even if it's by a route we'd rather not take — find themselves back in the healing arms of the Savior.

    Thanks for this amazing article!

  20. Elisa
    7:10 am on October 26th, 2010

    Thank you for sharing, Blue. It is amazing how similar our stories are. I too waited for my husband while he was on his mission. We were married in the temple as soon as possible when he got back. 10 years later he left the church after studying and intellectualizing himself out of the church.
    We have been married 15 years now and it has been a struggle for our 5 boys who have had to find their own testimonies and do what they think is right.
    The difference between us is that my husband fully believes in God and is now a Baptist preacher.
    I have gone through the same struggles of self pity, finding my own testimony to rely on, and getting council from those who can see the bigger picture.
    Each Bishop I have talked to has given me the same counsel as I have read here. Love him. As my husband continues to make choices that are not in line with what I believe that might teach my kids a different example than what I might want them to have, I just have to pray, trust in my Heavenly Father to strengthen myself and the boys, and just love my husband. There is nothing gained from judging where he is at. None of us are perfect and maybe his sins are just more transparent than mine.
    Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me that I am not alone in this lonely journey.
    ~Elisa

  21. Dori
    4:13 pm on October 26th, 2010

    I am very touched by your story and I can relate to the feelings you had when you realized that your husband wasn't who you thought he was anymore. I don't feel so alone anymore in my burden of silence. Nobody seems to understand that there are layers upon layers of accepting that kind of reality. So grateful for this tender mercy of indirect understanding.

  22. Tonia Ewell-Thomas
    5:43 pm on October 28th, 2010

    Blue,
    Thank you for your story. After the death of our son, Charles, my husband worked very hard in the church so that we could go to the temple and be sealed as a family.
    Later he fell into an awful depression. He is now drinking himself silly on a nightly basis. I have been counseled concerning divorce but I still stay. My children are now teenagers and both are special needs. Sometimes I just want to leave them all and wash my hands of them but I know that God will guide me if I let him. I go to church alone and I go to the temple with the ward. I miss my family but “God will force no man to Heaven”. Thanks for your story.

  23. Relda
    12:19 am on November 3rd, 2010

    Thank you for sharing your personal story with us. I feel great comfort in hearing it tonight. My son struggles with his own testimony as a newly-wed. It is painful for both of us as I continue to ask him if he is attending church on Sundays with his new bride. My prayer is always-for his happiness and personal understanding of just who our Heavenly Father is. I will love my son with all of my heart, forever…continually hoping that he will eventually come to know God. I daily feel such gratitude for the Comforter-easing my sadness as a mother.

  24. Sherry
    2:08 pm on January 27th, 2011

    My mother has been growing through your same ordeal for twenty years. My father left the church when I was a little girl, together with much of my family (not all at the same time). I have left too. I believe in God, but I have never been blessed with faith in the gospel of the Church. It didn't help that many of the most dedicated Mormons I grew up with were self-righteous, unkind, and looked down on my mother because of my father. I hate to think of people judging her, because she is the most generous and loving person in the world, I wish I could be just like her, and I know she still believes in the Church. So be strong and know that you are not alone at all. Know finally that it is NOT your fault if your husband/ child leaves the church! Everyone must decide for him or herself. I also hope that you will stay together with your husband, because he still needs your love and support.

  25. Brenda
    4:52 pm on June 13th, 2011

    Thank you for sharing this. You are a beautiful person!

  26. Anon
    6:23 am on August 15th, 2011

    Hvala. It's nice to hear from others who understand. There are MANY of us in this situation. Good luck to your family and many blessings. Love is the only answer here.

  27. Shelly
    4:49 pm on September 13th, 2011

    This past Fast Sunday, my husband was asked, out of the blue, to bear his testimony in Elder's Q. I wasn't there, but our HT told me what Ken said in his testimony. Ken basically said his testimony was different and would shock some. He said he had a testimony of Jesus Christ, but not of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For many years he has said he wanted to stop attending. And in his own right he has. Temple worship has stopped and he would not let me go. We went, at my begging, no our Stake Temple night. It was refreshing, but on the way home, he basically said it was a waste of time.

    I loved the answer to your prayer: To love him. In my Patriarchal Blessing, the last part tells me to use the power of love to keep my family together. I have my answer more than ever. I struggle due to the treatment he gives me, but I know what I need to do.

  28. Tanya
    5:04 pm on September 13th, 2011

    This exact same thing happened to me while I was pregnant with our first baby about 4 years ago. I experienced basically the exact same feelings and thoughts as you describe. I've always felt totally alone with this burden. The same week my husband told me he no longer wanted to have anything to do with the church (in a very unkind way, I might add) my best friends' husband was killed in an accident. I remember wishing we could change places. I remember the whole world seemingly rallying around her with support in contrast with my bishop telling me not to tell anyone about my situation. I wish I'd had this article available to me then.

    Things have gotten better between my husband and I and we now have two beautiful babies. My faith in the gospel has never diminished but it is exhausting and emotional for me to go to church without my husband so we don't make it very often. I feel guilty about it every Sunday and am still pretty bitter about the whole thing… Finding forgiveness is something I'm working on.

  29. Going Through the Journey
    7:44 am on October 12th, 2011

    Thank you for sharing this. I am going through my own journey of sorts as well as my sister. My sister's husband told her that he only got active so she would marry him and he actually did not believe any of the church or its teachings. My husband told me after 18 months of marriage that he had a drug problem. He has since become sober but he has struggled with tabacco, coffee and his faith. He still goes to church most the time and wants to believe but I still don't know what the outcome will be.

    I think one of the most difficult parts of this journey is that there is such a little support system. That we, as members, feel like we have to keep it all secret. That it is not accepted at all. Fortunately my sister confided in me so we have the chance to speak to each other but we both feel very alone in the fact that we can't or don't feel comfortable speaking to others at church about it.

    I am still struggling with the emotions. In the beginning I felt betrayed by God. I got married later in life and kept myself pure and rejected several non-members and members who weren't living up to the standards. I felt like I had kept my end of the bargain and why weren't the promised blessings given to me?

    But I am starting to accept all of it and realize that God has a plan for me. When my husband told my Bishop he had a drug problem he was so worried that he would get excommunicated but the Bishop told him it was worse that he lied about it and that many people have addictions. We were both surprised about the love and forgiveness we felt and the non-judgmental way he reacted and that helped my husband to get sober. I realized God is very forgiving as well. It has also caused me to realize that sometime self-righteousness and judging can be just as sinful if not more, at times than disobeying the word of wisdom or having a lack of faith.

    My husband has since then always been honest with himself and me. We are extremely happy in our marriage and with our kids and learning to communicate about our faith. It helps to talk about it often. I know things will work out somehow, someday. Thanks for sharing this and opening a discussion that is much needed in our church right now.

  30. Leigh
    11:07 am on September 20th, 2012

    Blue,
    Thank you so so much for sharing your story. I realize after reading it and this thread how I am not nearly as alone as I have felt recently. I am 21 years old and have been married for a little over a year. My husband served a mission in the church and shortly after we were engaged and married in the temple.
    Not long ago he confessed to me that he no longer believes in the church. This was a really hard thing for me to swallow as grew up with this idea that we would spend our lives as a faithful, cute little Mormon couple who spends our time going to the temple and who plan to go on a mission together someday. I was heartbroken and it was extremely hard for me to figure out what to do. I have been praying for guidance and many impressions have entered my mind, however none have brought more peace to my heart than when I realized that I need to just love him and support him. I am currently having my own struggles as well with some of the church's history, but whether the church is true or not, I know that I will be alright and it will all work out in the end if I continue to endure and rely on our Heavenly Father. Thank you once again for telling your story and for in turn bringing me comfort and confirming the answer I've received.
    It is my hope that this will be acknowledged more within the church so that others struggling with this type of situation will know that they are not alone!

  31. Judith
    11:00 pm on June 15th, 2013

    Zahvaljujemo se vam za delitev svojo zgodbo. I appreciate the comments, particularly the ones made by President Monson and Davis Bitton.

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