2011年8月10日由admin

21評論

佔債務:一個性虐待收藏

佔債務:一個性虐待收藏

在過去的18個月中,為MWP志願者和我曾問過百的婦女告訴我們他們的生活故事,我們一直在反复多久兒童性虐待一直是他們的過去的一部分感到驚訝。 因為很多面試的馬灣公園考察女性的反應,在他們的生活困難的情況下-從疾病不孕不育家庭的損失-我們認為,審查忠實LDS應對兒童性虐待是符合我們的使命。 下面,你會發現兒時的情況下三個非常不同的匿名帳戶,隨後與朱莉阿澤維多·漢克斯,一個摩門教治療師,誰討論的主題和相似的三個賬戶中接受採訪。 朱莉,LCSW,是瓦薩奇家庭治療總監,她擅長通過治療,研討會,撰寫並通過媒體教育幫助摩門教婦女創造情緒健康和充實的關係。 結婚22年裡,朱莉和她的丈夫傑夫居住在猶他州與他們的4個孩子(4-20歲)。

我們真誠地希望這些故事在這裡提供的以及專業的LDS觀點將有助於打開大門,癒合其他摩門教婦女誰可能會尋找自己的精神框架內的答案。

- Neylan McBaine,MWP創始人和主編,首席

故事#1

我被性從時間我六歲,直到我十二三歲濫用我的父親。 我媽媽的密友走近她,告訴她我的父親猥褻她的女兒。 我記得她把我的姐姐和我輪流與我們交談,看它是否已經發生在我們身上也是如此。 我有三個姐姐,我只知道我的姐姐,我被虐待。 我從來沒有談過我的妹妹。

什麼是你母親的反應是什麼?

它打破了我媽的心臟; 她被虐待的孩子。 為了找出她的丈夫虐待她的孩子,這真是毀滅性的打擊。 我們永遠只能談論它,有一天,因為它是這樣一個不光彩的事。 我不知道為什麼事情沒有得到帶到警察,無論是她的朋友或她。 也許這是怎麼會事已經在她的經驗中處理。 我記得她帶我們去跟支聯會會長後不久,她曾經告訴我們。

為什麼她決定帶大家來看看支聯會會長? 什麼是此訪的目的是什麼?

他問我,如果我有對我父親的任何硬的感覺。 我以為他要我說沒有,所以我做到了。 當然,我不得不硬的感覺! 我父親和我們生活了數年,直到他的猥褻鄰家女孩被捕。

你當時害怕你的父親嗎? 什麼是像在家裡的關係,濫用被發現呢?

他試圖再一次濫用我看到了他可以用閃避。 老實說,我不恨他,直到然後。 從那以後,我想盡量少跟他做越好。 我從來沒有告訴過我媽約,要么。 原來他調戲了很多很多的孩子。

是受害者的所有鄰居的孩子? 你在對他的審判作證?

他在半夜被逮捕,這是我看到的他的最後一次。 他是在監獄裡進出,最後投入監獄。 他已經在監獄裡進出了二十年。 我希望我們一直是試驗的一部分,我不知道為什麼我們沒有。 我知道,有鄰居的孩子,他性侵犯。 他曾在一家醫院作為一個技術,我認為有指責從醫院了。

你如何與它是由支聯會會長處理掙扎? 你想知道,如果它已被不同的處理,如果它會保護其他孩子?

我沒有掙扎與它是如何處理的。 我覺得它是這樣一個不同的時間,我想人們做了最好的,他們可以。 東西是好了很多,周圍的房子時,他已經走了。 那是苦了我的媽媽,因為她一直留在家裡的媽媽和她現在不得不工作,為她的孩子,但周圍的房子的心情就好多了。

你在高中二年級時,你父親進了監獄。 你有沒有告訴任何人,或尋求治療?

我從來沒有告訴過任何人的虐待。 沒有一個人。 一對夫婦我最親密的朋友知道他是在監獄裡,也許他們懷疑,但我從來沒有告訴他們為什麼。 我認為感覺是那麼可恥,因為從來沒有人談論它。 我沒有告訴他這是好是瘋了還是好被打破。 我沒有告訴它甚至好談論它。 這是一個秘密。 當我訂婚了,我知道我應該告訴我的未婚夫,但我不知道如何。

為什麼你感覺告訴他,這是重要的?

我不知道為什麼我覺得有必要告訴他。 這就像洩露一些巨大的秘密。 這就像我感到內疚有它發生在我身上。 這是我的過去如此重要的一部分。 他知道我的爸爸在監獄裡,而我恨他。 我們的婚禮前幾個月我注意到少尉一直在尋找寬恕提交的文章。 我寫東西了,但沒有送它。我想我已經來回走了在不同的時間在我的生活中,我已經原諒了我的學歷寫fatherI我的文章就試圖原諒。 我給我寫了我的未婚夫閱讀。 它沒有提供關於虐待的任何細節,只是說我已經被濫用。 這是最我曾經告訴過任何人。

什麼是你的未婚夫的反應? 他有問題嗎?

他問了幾個問題,但他大多只是為我悲傷。 我想,我想我已經原諒我的父親,但說實話,我不知道我是否有充分即使是現在。

如何與你的母親的關係如何?

我與我的母親沒有問題。 她一直是我的岩石,我知道如何艱苦的生活一直是她的。 我們已經仍然沒有談論它,直到幾年前,當我告訴她我要去治療。 她很高興,對我說她會試圖找到一些對我們較早,但找不到任何東西。 她還希望曾有過的東西給她,她可以去治療。

怎麼還你的生命受到你遭受了你父親手中的濫用?

我一直在努力與自尊。 我從來沒有能夠真正愛自己。 我是非常不安全的初中和高中。 我覺得我在所有的高中去了兩個日期。 我是一個巨大的書呆子; 在治療中,我們了解到這是逃避現實的一種方式。

之前和之後我的任務我做得很好。 我喜歡我自己,然後,有一個很大的樂趣。 有時候,我覺得我欺騙了我的丈夫娶別人我不是因為我在這麼好的地方,當我們結婚了。 我們結婚兩年後,我們開始嘗試為家庭。 我情緒低落的時候,我們與不孕掙扎。 我的丈夫是誰發現我的抑鬱症的人。 我只是認為每個人都被忽略不計。 他要我去輔導; 我不想。 我們曾經感動,我在我們的新病房認識了一個朋友。 我和她以後在談論一個晚上聚聚。 我們很快就想通了,我們兩人都與我們列祖的問題。 我們恨他們結合我們的事實。

我的朋友是在中後期聖徒家庭服務諮詢。 她正準備去她父親的審判。 她的輔導員建議她去一個組,成人調戲為兒童,或AMAC。 這是八個星期的承諾。 我丈夫認為我應該去,但我並不高興。

誰被經常性虐待的兒童感到恥辱發生在他們身上的孩子。 你能解釋一下你如何解釋這羞恥的感覺嗎?

十二年後,它仍然是一個可恥的秘密。 不知怎的,我覺得,因為我已​​經被濫用了,我是有缺陷的。 我覺得我是不如人誰沒有被濫用。 我想是因為它是如此秘密的感覺就像它必須可怕的東西

什麼是喜歡你的第一次見面? 你是如何感覺?

之前,該集團開始我會見了社工,只好告訴她我的故事。 這是一個大問題,對我來說。 我從來沒有告訴過任何人的詳細信息。 我所有的前一天和後感到噁心的。
我還記得我們第一次小組會議。 這一切都是那麼彆扭。 有一個女孩那裡誰已經過去治療組。 她在那裡種向我們展示了繩索。 我們開始禱告。 然後我們做了組規則,就像你不能告訴任何人小組中有人說。 我們談到了做什麼,如果我們在一個教堂的功能跑進一個人,我們應該承認與否? 通過前誰曾姑娘說,“別擔心! 到了最後,你就可以談論它給任何人。“我記得我在想,”Riiiight。“但她是如此的權利。 看看我吧! 雖然這次採訪是匿名的為我的家庭的緣故,我通常它相當開放。

什麼是組的過程? 它是如何工作的?

每個星期,一名女子將與小組分享她的故事,然後我們會去圍著桌子,並給她積極的反饋。 也有與我們的社工引導討論。 當輪到我我很害怕,因為我從來沒有告訴過任何人比我的丈夫和我的治療師對我的虐待等。 我不得不寫筆記出來的前一天晚上,所以我可以肯定,分享所有我想做的。 一旦超過一名女子打電話給我爸一個戀童癖。 我從來沒有,雖然它的樣子,但她是對的。

我並沒有感到很大的時候了; 這是一個粗略的一天,一個粗略的類。 每個星期我會採取那些女人的故事,和我一起帶他們到心臟。 我和我的朋友叫我們頭痛和心痛組“AMAC宿醉',這是我們經常治愈Krispy Kreme的甜甜圈後的第二天。

儘管所有的心痛,在我的故事的講述我從一個受害者到作為一個倖存者去了。 它不再是一個可怕的秘密。 這是現在發生了什麼事,以我在這已經塑造了我的生活,過去是,但不再是決定性因素。 我們的治療師說,我們在生命能量就像是一個100瓦的燈泡和隱藏您的濫用使用了80個瓦。 這感覺我的權利,我一直很累,瀝乾。 我很興奮能有更多的功率了。 這不是一朝一夕的事,但我覺得我的生活剛剛領導了至今。 我是一個倖存者。

在我的故事的講述我從一個受害者去了作為一個倖存者。

講的是故事,是什麼讓不那麼可恥?

我想是這樣。 我認為這是整個過程,實現你並不孤單。 這是治療師告訴我們這是好讓我們做的感情,所有的驗證。

難道你也了解並內化,然後那不是你的錯?

我爸把一個真實的標籤,意識到他是一個真正的戀童癖者幫助了我。 我們談到了如何大鱷稈他們的受害者,他們如何尋找某些東西。 治療師告訴我們,這不是我們的錯,不管是什麼。 即使我們沒有告訴,這不是我們的錯。

在那個時候在你的生活有什麼部分沒有信仰和與天父的關係玩嗎?

老實說,這一段時間我身體不舒服都那麼接近天父。 但它很有趣,因為治療師總是用經文來驗證,並幫助我們。 她是很靈的吧,現在總是可以提起精神。我們在AMAC使用了大量的來自教會領袖的文章和講座的手冊。

你與濫用,因為7年前經歷的掙扎組? 你覺得你能原諒你的父親嗎?

是的,我仍然與自我價值的鬥爭。 我們的治療師告訴我們,你的大腦的發育不同,如果你被虐待的孩子。 我想我會永遠與掙扎。 我仍然原諒我的父親鬥爭。 怎麼會有人這樣對待自己的孩子? 我很不高興揮之不去的掙扎與抑鬱症和自我價值,他引起了我的生活。 我責怪他。

如何與您的家人的關係嗎? 你已經能夠幫助你的姐姐誰也濫用?

我相處得很好,我的家人吧。 我的姐姐還在掙扎了很多。 我們終於在大約一年前談論我的雷區。 她說她很想去類似的東西,但它不提供她住的地方。 我希望它是無處不在; 我不能強調它是如何驚人了。 贖罪的幫助,因為我知道天父和耶穌明白我的掙扎。 他們愛我,明白事情是不容易的,我的。 他們很有耐心,不會放棄,當我再次失敗一次。 復活給了我希望,我的大腦是可以治愈的一天,我可以來愛自己,因為他們做。

故事#2

我的童年性虐待持續了大約10年,2歲之間,直到大約12人誰我信任會愛我,照顧我。 它總是很秘密,閉門造車,沒有人說什麼。 因此,事實上,它是與人,我愛和信任使它真正毀滅性的我。

說說你的家庭環境成長。 你來自一個穩定的家?

嗯,我來自一個固定的家我的父母真的愛我,他們正在做的最好的,他們可以與他們在當時。 我的父親是一個積極的酒鬼,直到我大約7,仍然有後了另外一些問題,他停止飲用。 我媽媽努力保持我們的家人在一起,並支付賬單,並成為一個媽媽。 老實說,她不知道我發生了什麼事。

我有兩個弟妹。 我不知道他們是否有同樣的遭遇。 他們真的都沒有了,當我在我的經驗中間。 這是一個獨特的,個人的事情,所以我只能說我自己。

你覺得你可以永遠相信你的母親或告訴她發生了什麼事?

有沒有過自己的經驗與性虐待誰的人,似乎很明顯,你應該想告訴別人發生了什麼事情。 但是當你自己做的時候有你的一部分是如此羞愧,感覺如此破碎,損壞,錯了,只是因為你在那裡,即使它不是你的錯。 “骯髒的”,其實想到這個詞。 這幾乎是一個感覺像你想保護自己太多,因為你不想讓任何人知道你是它的一部分,即使它是被迫的你,即使你不想要它。

很多女人我談過後的錯誤信念層有這些層。 和第一的信念是“我沒有任何價值,我沒有價值。”你內在的另一件事是,不知怎的,這是我的錯。 不知怎的,我是個壞女孩,整個事情變得謊言這種纏繞紗,這幾乎就像你開始保護秘密了。 你不想讓別人知道。 當你有這些經驗作為一個孩子,你告訴不告訴,你會覺得很無助,你相信這些謊言。 你沒有的話解釋給成年人。 如果我做過嘗試告訴我媽媽,那是在這樣一個模糊的方式。 我只知道,我覺得我保守這個秘密。 我知道我的母親:如果我告訴她,她會做任何事情來幫助我,保護我。

作為一個孩子,你怎麼知道這是什麼,是怎麼回事? 難道僅僅是別人告訴你這是一個秘密,還是有意識的聲音告訴你這是錯的?

身體可能是五十歲,但你內心的精神是永恆的。 和精神都知道並且有什麼是安全的和不安全的感覺。 任何時候有這樣的活動有這麼多的黑暗和周圍參與它,那精神是那些能量敏感。 我記得有一次,有人走進房間,我覺得他們的意圖而我覺得,黑暗,並立即進入恐懼。 這不僅僅是一個物理的經驗,因為它是這樣一個違反上帝的愛與光明和神聖的,精神都知道,因為智力它的水平。 讓你體驗它在很多層面的,因為即使是新的身體上,感情上你知道什麼是錯的。

什麼樣的孩子是嗎?

我是一個非常有彈性的孩子。 我有直線作為。 我總是想成為一個很好的小女孩。 我可能是那些孩子,沒有人會懷疑會是這種行為的受害者之一。 我是在我高中第一個女修院院長。 我有一個完整的騎獎學金里克斯學院。 我只是攜帶這些很深很深的秘密,我很善於掩飾。

讓我們來談談你的治療。 你是什​​麼時候意識到,這是你需要直接解決什麼?

這裡就是我敢肯定:你可以創建,你可以這麼努力創造一個良好的生活 - 我是活躍在教會裡,我嫁給了一個偉大的人,並有兩個偉大的孩子 - 但你不能遠離毒藥是在你。 我發現的是,在外面我工作真的很難在這個畫面的完美生活 - 讓家裡乾淨,養我的孩子,做我自己的工作 - 但我不得不裡面的那個問題我沒有作出解釋。 我鬱悶了很多,我真的有很深的疲勞,有過那麼幾次,我會在公共和我有強烈的恐懼,儘管我不知道為什麼被克服。 我有情緒波動,有時我會好起來的快樂一分鐘,然後下一分鐘我會充滿了憤怒和不得不離開了房間。

這是相同的到我二十多歲,直到抑鬱症的水平,那些情緒波動有這麼嚴重,我不得不問自己的問題,我從來沒有願意在問自己。 在這一點上,我有我的童年創傷記憶。 會發生什麼創傷的許多受害者認為,要應對的經驗,你的潛意識就會埋葬他們非常深刻,直到你準備癒合。 直到你準備醫治,它真的對不起讓他們在你的頭腦的前面,因為你不知道如何應付他們。

在心理學中是很常見的創傷記憶被埋沒,所以我們可以應付,但有時保護mechnanism得到你的方式,因為你認為,如果你不記得了創傷清楚,也許它並沒有發生。 也許這只是一個奇怪的夢。 你面對真正相信你是在回憶什麼,然後讓其他人相信你的挑戰。 例如,創傷後應激士兵有時會會導致他們關閉了整整一年。 這是一種生存機制,但它意味著你還生活在否定,這需要很大的勇氣,甚至問的問題。

事實是,我有幾年我的童年,我只是不記得的。 我的腦海裡關閉它的所有的記憶。 終於在25歲時,我是有瘋狂的夢想和回憶都浮出水面,我終於禱告說:“父啊,我只是需要一些類型的癒合。”我祈禱抑鬱症,社交焦慮癒合,但我有一個願意來看看什麼是真正的罪魁禍首,所以回憶回來自己。

What tools did you use at this point, when the memories started returning?

I had the feeling that I had been abused and I went to see a psychologist. As a young woman, I did not identify myself as a sexual abuse victim. That came in my late twenties. Before then, I knew that my dad was an alcoholic and that my family had problems and I had the deep fear that I had been a victim of sexual abuse. I also had random dreams sometimes that seemed really real, and I'd wake up in a panic, but I did not identify myself as a victim. I didn't connect that the problems I was having at that time were related to those dreams.

The process of self-identifying as an abuse victim began about when I was 30, so five years ago. Initially, I went to see a psychologist for the depression and we just talked, and after I left his office the spirit said to me, “Now you are ready to remember.” And over the next couple of days I saw the memories in my mind, while I was awake, and then I acknowledged that I knew. It was no longer under the surface. That's why it's so hard for some people to heal because of that safety mechanism of forgetting. I think it was because I was finally in a place where I could accept some help.

I really want this to be conveyed so clearly: the Atonement can heal everything. At the time I went to seek help, I was using what I call the Key 5: going to church every Sunday, reading scriptures, praying, going to the temple and getting Priesthood blessings. I was doing those and it was still not enough to touch the depression and social anxiety. And at that point, the Spirit led me to someone who could help me. I don't think people realize that depression and healing from abuse is like a disease of the mind.

Did you involve LDS services at all?

My first psychologist was not LDS. I never went to LDS Services specifically, but I've worked with one person in particularly who is LDS, a really gifted, devout person who had special understanding of my experience. She has a life mission of helping people heal.

Is there ever a time when you feel you're completed healed? Or is that even possible?

It's a process. The process is several stages. I would say for any person to know when you are truly healed is when you can think about the experience, you know that it happened, but you don't have any anger anymore. No hard feelings. You have the learning and you feel the gratitude from that learning. And that was when I knew I had healed. Forgiveness comes from that feeling. Before that time, forgiveness feels really difficult.

曾經有一段時間,當我在這個治療過程中,我還是那麼的憤怒,很受傷。 這是一個很大的時間來癒合,大量的資金,這是一個巨大的過程,到最後,從來沒有人被追究責任。 不是我的吸毒者人們不得不承認他們的過錯。 沒有人道歉。 沒有一個人退縮給了什麼。 它覺得對我是一個1000萬美元的債務超過了我的生活。 不僅本來無一物歸還東西,但他們實際上什至否認,而從來沒有承認它發生了。 這就像沒有實體的東西可以提供舒適的環境,當你在看這個深度的痛苦。 你掛在上帝的方式,與你的創造者的關係......這是唯一的事情。 有沒有錢,有沒有道歉,沒有賠償。

“誰來解釋這筆債務?”而答案是,“贖罪將覆蓋這個債務。”

我在祈禱一次,我記得祈禱彷彿我是面對面與救主:“誰去解釋這種債務”而答案是,我有“贖罪將覆蓋這個債務。”拿這個問題的答案和投降,並說:“我不知道你將如何支付,但我放棄了。 我把它送給你。“這就像在細胞水平上,這樣做的決定。 在這一點上,癒合的真實感覺發生了。 當我覺得沒有人欠我什麼了,我是不是在等待道歉,救主可以支付它,我真的成了自由。

故事#3

當我九歲那年,母親帶著我弟弟去看望她的家人和我的其他兄弟和我睡我的爸爸。 ,這是我爸爸誰調戲我。 也正是這樣一個超現實的,奇怪的事情。 一天晚上,我們睡在他旁邊,他剛開始不恰當地觸摸我。 在那個年代,你只是不知道該怎麼做那種事的。 它僅發生過一次。

有幾件事情起因於這一點。 其中之一是,我從來沒有跟我爸後,一個互相信任的關係。 我得到了舊的,壞我覺得差不多了,因為我知道它更多的影響。

你怎麼回應時,你是9?

我只知道一件壞事發生了,但我不明白是什麼意思。 我敢肯定,我的爸爸感到內疚。 我不知道是什麼原因導致一個父親這樣做。 他以前從來沒有做過這樣的事情,既然什麼都沒有。 但我認為,回過頭來看,他是一個有點厭惡女人的。 只是意見,他會做出婦女。 我記得很多年以後進入他如何想到女孩負責男生的性要求與他爭論。

沒有發生到你與任何人談及這個?

那是因為當時我已經想過了很多的東西。 我應該告訴我的媽媽? 我真的沒有任何人,我可以信任,我只是沒有。 如果我告訴別人,它可能真的對我的家人和我父母的關係產生巨大的影響。 我的父母都還結婚; 我不知道它是多麼幸福的婚姻。 我認為它會真的影響了我的媽媽很大。 她有抑鬱症,這我不知道,直到我是一個成年人的歷史,她有一個非常悲慘的童年。 我想知道這可能是真正的創傷她。

我不認為我的母親會相信我,我認為這是很常見的。 我想這就是為什麼它如此重要,要有誰年輕女孩可以信任中小學女青年領袖。 在農村地區我住的地方,沒有LDS社會服務。 這本來是真正有幫助的那些資源。

我從來沒有跟任何人談論它,直到我上了大學。 我的爸爸和我有一個談話中提到的情節,他說他以為我已經忘記了。 這是非常尷尬的,我不記得其他許多的事實,我沒有感到舒服談論它。

當我上了大學,我跟一個主教這件事,他是完全無能。 他說,“現在,你來給我,並告訴我,你做你的一部分。”我想離開,“我沒有'的一部分。”“我九歲那年,我沒有需要做恢復原狀。 我一直在尋找和平。

你為什麼選擇那個時候有一個主教要拿出來?

我覺得有什麼不對勁。 我不準備去寺廟或任何東西,所以我真的不知道。 我只是覺得我應該嘗試談論它。 他沒有說什麼話。 我覺得他應該有,在這一點上,我提到一個專業。 我希望主教們現在都勸告要做到這一點,他們就更有能力處理這樣的事情。

我有一個非常困難時期相信我的丈夫和我沒有意識到這一點,直到我們的婚問題。 我真的相信婚姻輔導和治療。 這一直是我跟我爸,那它在我的婚姻迴響事實上整個經歷最困難的反響。 在一個點上,我們的治療師問是否有可能是發生了什麼事,為了使我感受到了不信任。 在那一刻,它打我像一個浪潮。 我突然意識到這是如何的經驗,我的父親已經埋下不信任的種子是越做越大,直到它威脅了我的婚姻。

社會工作者真正幫助。 在我的治療有一點我說,“我無法想像那將是多麼可怕的是被濫用,而不是僅僅一次年,!”社工給了這麼大的反應。 他說,“這其實也無所謂的程度 - 那你覺得是激烈的,不管它是如何頻繁的是痛苦和失去信任”我也認識到,治療師說,“原諒他不會原諒它。 寬恕是把它交給主,讓他隨身攜帶你的負擔,但它不會原諒它。“推理一樣,真的幫我醫治。

你有幾個女兒。 你在做什麼準備或保護他們?

我認為這將是非常困難的,讓我有兒子而不是女兒,因為當我有了孩子我真的很害怕,我就不能愛一個男孩。 這是一個奇怪的心理的東西,但我想我是幸運的方式,當然除了我很擔心我的女兒。 我的丈夫並不知道我在調戲他知道,如果我得到絲毫感覺的東西是不是與朋友的權利,或叔叔或傢伙在我的女孩,我的丈夫簡直要相信我。 沒有爭論的。 他要相信我的直覺。 我嘗試都知道我們的鄰居,而不是讓我的女孩掛在沒有很多的女性存在的地方。 我誰也不讓女兒去朋友家過夜的朋友。 她只是告訴人們,“我們在我們的家庭有虐待的一個實例。”我真的很尊重這一點。

你不喜歡,你可以你的事與你父親以後去你媽的。 什麼是你與你的女兒的關係做,以確保他們覺得他們可以來找你?

我真的試花了很多時間與他們只是在談論他們的生活。 這很難,因為我不是一個親生母親。 這是不容易的,我來培育他們,但我盡量做到真正開放特別是我的老大,誰是11,關於一切。 當我跟我的最古老的關於她的性傾向,我禁食一整天。 在我自己的經驗,我的媽媽從來沒有提出這個問題與我。
我有一個朋友誰說過,“誰摸孩子不當是壞的那一刻。”我花了一段時間來理解,那就算你爸或你表弟或你信任的人誰是不錯的,通常倒是你在不恰當的方式,他們是壞的那一刻。 我認為,重要的是要共享與您的孩子。 他們可能認為,因為這個人通常是很好的他們,性提前未必是不對的,然後他們感到內疚或感到困惑的感覺不舒服。 我靠聖靈的時候我要教我的孩子這些事情。 這是我能做到這一點的唯一方法。

談話與朱莉阿澤維多·漢克斯,LCSW。

從你的角度作為一個專業的治療師,什麼是通過兒童性虐待的這三種不同的帳戶下運行的共同點?

恥辱是最常見的主題。 丟人的是這些故事的普遍經驗,也是我與多年來,由於有人這樣對你,你是壞人,你持有一些責任的工作,這個意義上的客戶端。 和建築上,怎麼說羞恥影響他們與那些接近他們的關係。

有在這些故事給他們三個不同的經歷獨特氣質,但我作為一個治療師有大家非常熟悉。 我已經誰也反映這些不同類型的客戶。

讓我問你有關故事#3。 你經常得到,其中有已經有多數民眾贊成對受害人這種影響一次性經驗的情況下?

這是很常見的! 與誰已被濫用,只有一次的人,他們的問題,“我只是被濫用了一次,所以為什麼這對我這樣的影響呢?”這是很難理解的頻率不是問題掙扎。 濫用是違反你的身體和你的精神,無論發生過一次或多次。 同樣,有受害者的信念,這是“唯一的”愛撫或“唯一”觸摸所以它不是那麼糟糕,因為它可能是。 但事實是,濫用的程度沒有關係; 該反應是最重要的。 我有過誰一直看著性,沒有任何感人的客戶端,它仍然可怕的創傷。

你有什麼特別的反應在故事#2中引入的概念,這種想法,有可能是深層次的情感創傷,最終解決自己在通過回收內存成年?

作為一名治療師,我從來沒有做任何專門徵求創傷記憶,但我相信,我們記得,記住一定經驗時,我們已經準備好處理它們。 我認為他們泡了當客戶端已準備就緒。 關於究竟發生了什麼事情比客戶的主觀經驗遠不如事實。 作為治療師,我不得不問自己,“這是什麼情感體驗對他們意味著什麼?”有小點在注重挖掘到所有的事實。 當一個孩子被虐待在這個時代裡,他們沒有語言來描述所發生的事情,有時他們不得不等待,直到他們在其中處理經驗的框架。

另一件事,有趣的是,我對故事#2是,這名婦女是相當成功的學生在高中。 通常我們想像的濫用走動的大郵票在他們的額頭,告訴我們他們是受害者的受害者。 有什麼辦法有人從外面可以是濫用受害者的需求很敏感,即使它們不會出現傷員在外面?

There's a whole spectrum of ways sexual abuse can affect people. On one end of the spectrum you have people who go into a perfectionist mode, overachieving, like they have to prove their worth. They have to prove that they're good enough because there's something deeper inside that feels damaged. That may describe woman #2. At the other end of the spectrum are people who are less functional, who continually get into relationships where they're abused in some form, and the abuse keeps repeating and repeating. There's depression and self-destructive behavior that goes with those continual patterns of abuse. Repeating the abuse is almost an effort to get it right: “Maybe someone will protect me this time or maybe I'll stand up for myself.” Those are two ends of the spectrum, and of course most people fall somewhere in between. It's all an attempt though to heal that trauma.

Let's turn to the spiritual angle of your therapy approach. What do you think about Story #2's statements that even as a young child, she knew what was happening was bad because her spirit is eternal. What is it you think speaks to a child and tells them what's happening is wrong?

I think it's the light of Christ. There's something in us that tells us something is good or something isn't good. We all have that. It's particularly confusing for young children when they're abused by someone they trust, because children look up to family members as role models. So, if a dad is molesting a child and that child has a voice in them telling them something's not right, the child concludes that it must be herself who is at fault. It can't be dad because she needs him, she relies on him to survive to adulthood.

That's why I like what woman #3 says: “If someone you trust who is nice usually touches you in an inappropriate way, they are bad at that moment.”

Your practice treats a large percentage of LDS patients because you market yourself as being LDS. What are some of the tools or strategies that you use when an LDS client comes to you to heal from sexual abuse?

As the therapist working with deeply spiritual people, I don't try to separate the spiritual and the emotional. One thing I do is encourage the client to talk to God as a person. When children have been abused by a male, it interferes with their experience with God as a Heavenly Father. We tend to project onto Heavenly Father whoever our earthly father is. I try to help my clients spiritually separate their Heavenly Father from their earthly father, and explore the idea that He is entirely different from the wounded, imperfect earthly father. Even if the abuse wasn't necessarily a father, the abuser is frequently an important male authority figure and so it is crucial to develop a personal relationship with God outside of the lens of the abuse.

When children have been abused by a male, it interferes with their experience with God as a Heavenly Father.

That's a theme I've seen with people of faith: they will experience Heavenly Father in the way that they're experienced their earthly father and/or their abuser. He's scary, he's secretive, he's punitive. And that interferes with their ability to have a loving experience with Heavenly Father.

Another intervention I use quite a bit is to encourage the client to have a dialogue with her younger self at whatever age she was abused. I tell her to be that adult nurturer that she may not have had in her youth. She is the adult talking to the younger version of herself, empathizing and telling the child that it is not her fault. This gives her a context to the abuse and the emotional nurturing that she likely didn't have before.

How important is therapy to a spiritual healing? It's less pervasive today, but generationally there has been the perception that if you're doing those basic things you're supposed to be doing spiritually – reading your scriptures, going to church, etc. – that you shouldn't need professional therapy.

I honestly think that's ridiculous. No one would say, if you were in a traumatic car accident, “Don't get that broken femur set. If you can get to the temple your ribs won't be crushed anymore.” This stigma of therapy is changing more slowly in LDS culture. I'm really passionate about this and I've spoken for a decade to LDS women's groups about demystifying therapy and getting rid of the shame of therapy. We're not putting on our dark glasses to slip into the dentist's office unnoticed cause we're ashamed of getting a filling. We shouldn't be ashamed to take care of the emotional or mental health either. I always do a little cheer when I hear our leaders in General Conference that professional therapy is a needed part of healing.

If we have a reader here who has unresolved trauma from sexual abuse, what would you counsel her to do?

I would suggest she talk to someone about it. Share the experience with a friend, her bishop, her therapist, her spouse. It's so important to start talking, to get it outside of you. It's like a cancer that sits inside and grows. One of the first step to healing is actually sharing, getting it out of you, in a relationship of trust.

So many women think, “It happened so long ago, it doesn't make a difference.” But I can't tell you how often it happens that the mother is abused as a child, and then the daughter is abused as well. I've seen countless families where abuse repeats itself through generations if it's not dealt with. The idea that if you don't tell anyone about it is won't impact your life or your children's lives is simply not true. The best thing you can do to make sure it doesn't impact your children is to heal yourself. It's eerie how often a daughter is abused at the same age as the mother was abused. Life gives us chances to heal. Don't turn away from opportunities to heal.

If you're suffering alone because of sexual abuse, please reach out and share your story, just like these brave women have done. Part of why sexual abuse is so damaging is because it interferes with your ability to trust and can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, and from the very people who can help you heal. We need each other. We heal through loving relationships with family and friends, with trusted professionals, and through our deep connection with Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

If you would like to get in touch with one of the women in this collection, email mwpeditor at gmail dot com. Julie de Azevedo Hanks can be found at http://www.juliehanks.com/counseling/

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21評論

  1. Marintha Miles
    7:36 pm on August 10th, 2011

    I am deeply grateful to the three sisters who were brave enough to share their stories with us here at Mormon Women Project. I was touched as I helped work on this collection with other MWP contributors. It is my hope and prayer that these stories will help those among us who continue to suffer the effects of childhood sexual abuse, and explain better the suffering to those that love the wives, daughters and sisters around them. Thanks to Julie Hanks who explained so beautifully the feeling of loss for those of us who are survivors as we try to reconcile a loving Heavenly Father with our mortal experiences at the hands of others.

  2. Maree Wells
    9:19 pm on August 11th, 2011

    ** As this is my first time commenting I'm not sure if this is mediated before the comments are published but for the privacy of myself and family, I have not provided my real name, but I will gladly provide it via email if requested.**

    I am a mother, former primary president and victim of a one-off molestation by a family relative when I was five years old which forever changed my life. As an adult it has heightened my senses regarding safeguarding our young ones.

    As a new primary president, I felt the responsibility of not only teaching our children about a loving heavenly father but of protecting them – all 86.

    My counselors and I planned for several weeks a special presentation and held a training meeting for our primary auxiliary on how to recognise signs of abuse and what is the process for reporting it to the local authorities. (Yes, we are required to report it).

    Although it was a difficult and sometimes an uncomfortable subject to convey in one evening it seemed to open communication amongst our auxiliary. We had a social worker with 30 yrs experience with children, youth and families teach us how to recognise signs of abuse and we had our bishop talk who supported us 100%.

    We followed the Church's pamphlet “RESPONDING TO ABUSE: HELPS FOR ECCLESIASTICAL LEADERS”, though our country has different laws to the US. (Our leaders can be prosecuted for failing to prevent further harm to children if they do not advise local legal authorities of abuse). The leaders and teachers took on board their sacred roles to teach, care and comfort these young children.

    Over the next few years there were several incidents of suspected abuse within our ward and we advised our bishop and I personally called the local authorites. Investigations were carried out and for a short time there were some feelings of embarrassment for the involved families, but there were no major upheavals to the childrens' lives that I am aware of, though they were interviewed by child protection social workers.

    During this time the 1st presidency also sent out a letter suggesting that no single male teachers were to teach in primary alone, it was difficult enough for us to find worthy and willing teachers but this made it even harder. However, our wonderful bishop released people from callings and allowed us to call couples to teach together which gave many children from single parent homes the opportunity to have positive experiences with a male and a female role model in primary.

    Our presidency also made a conscious effort to walk up and down all the primary classrooms, whether the teachers were male or female, we checked each class through the window every 5 mins, we also quietly combined classes when class sizes were below two so that the ratio of children to teachers was always 2:1 as a minimum.

    At times it was difficult to co-ordinate these additional measures, and to report the suspected abuse to local authorities however with full support of my husband, the primary presidency, our Bishop and other leaders we made it through a challenging and uplifting few years of which I have no regrets.

  3. Anna
    6:11 am on August 12th, 2011

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It gave many eye-opening insights and shedded some light over such a dark and secretive subject.
    I was molested and bullied by my classmates at the age of 13-16, which overshadowed most of my teenage years. I think however my age saved me from a lot of trauma. Even if I still thought it was my fault, I still felt ashamed and kept it to myself, I could recall it and see a therapist at the age of 18. So now in my mid 20′s I feel I have overcome it and have been able to leave it behind.
    I just want to raise this issue to attention too: it is so important for parents, teachers and leaders to be observant to not only kids, but youth also as they too can be struggeling with horrible things. No one of the adults around me saw this, and even though my other classmates saw it, no one dared to say anything.
    Thanks again for putting this out there in this way, we need more stories, more tools and more understanding for theese issues so that we can protect the comming generations.

  4. anonymous
    8:06 am on August 12th, 2011

    As a woman in my mid-thirties, I recently experienced what one womand shared with remembering instances of abuse. For several years, I had been seeing very vivid images of a young girl being abused. I didn't know what to make of this or who it was I was seeing. Thankfully, I had also been working for several years with a good counselor. During a recent session, while working on another issue, everything fell into place and I knew what it was I was that I was seeing. I knew I was finally ready to see this experience clearly and do the work to be healed from it.

    Through the Spirit and with Jesus, I was able to work through my experience using many of the methods Julie talked about. I know that Atonement is real, that the burdens of abuse can be taken away and healing can occur.

    Thank you for sharing these experiences. It has been helpful to read these shared here and know that what I'm experiencing is, unfortunately, not uncommon. The testimonies of these women about the Atonement are amazing.

    謝謝。

  5. anon
    1:50 pm on August 12th, 2011

    I was also molested once by a member in our home. My husband knows but no one else in my family.

    The only thing I find bothersome is the spotlight on lone, male teachers in the church. Women are also abusers. If we are to truly protect our children, everything should be done in pairs. That may mean combining classes if only one teacher can attend.

  6. Julie Hanks » Sexual Abuse Collection: Mormon Women Project
    9:38 pm on August 12th, 2011

    [...] Read Accounting for the Debt: A Sexual Abuse Collection [...]

  7. 匿名
    2:08 pm on August 13th, 2011

    Thank you so much for conducting these interviews and presenting them in a way that edifies, strengthens, and encourages those who are reading them. While my experiences are different from the women interviewed, I found their insights on healing to very helpful in my own recovery from sexual trauma. Thank you, dear interviewees, for sharing your stories and letting us grow from your experiences. You are wonderful examples of courage and my heart goes out to you and all others who have had to endure this kind of pain.

  8. 凱瑟琳
    下午03:03於2011年8月16日

    I appreciate that this important issue is on a blog specifically geared to LDS women.

    I appreciate those women who have shared their experiences and their insights.

    I especially appreciate Julie Hanks' comment about “clients who have been looked at sexually, without any touching, and it's still horribly traumatic.”

    如此真實!

    I remember reading many years ago an article–I think it was in an LDS church magazine, but I have not been able to locate it since–which told, in parable fashion, the story of a home that was broken into, and precious things were stolen. Was it the fault of the house that robbers broke in? Was the house too attractive? Was it in the wrong neighborhood? Had it done something to entice the theives? Etc.

    It was a wonderful analogy–helpful, I thought, for both victims and those who love them. (It would be lovely if someone reading this can actually the original parable.)

  9. Valerie
    1:49 am on August 17th, 2011

    I am grateful for these stories and the advice given. I have been sexually abused as a child and also as an adult. I believe that because I didn't remember or confront the abuse as a child I had fallen into a “too” trusting pattern. At the age of 5 years old I was abused by a 13 year old neighbor. (His family a member and mine was not) I joined the church when I was 20-something and have prayed to forgive this abuse. Although I found forgiveness in my heart for him and hoped that this kid now a man had received the help he needed, I find myself now 30+ years later at the same ward as he is. I have only spoke to my husband and my best friend regarding this and have no idea how to handle the situation. I do not want to taint this man's reputation as it seems that he has repented, rehabilitated and become a worthy member of the ward and church. (All answers to my prayers)BUT,I also do not want him to be my home teacher or be involved with my children. Forgiveness has helped me cope but I do not remember the abuse fully and I am afraid of remembering now. Do I tell my Bishop? How do I go forward with this?

  10. 德布
    5:13 pm on August 17th, 2011

    I am in my mid- 50′s. I was sexually abused/ raped by my father starting when I was 11 for several years. I now struggle with severe suicidal depression, Eating Disorder and Self-Injury problems. When I started having the flashbacks I started purging (throwing up). Then that wasn't enough control over my body or taking away the pain so I starting burning myself by putting my arm on the top element in the over or using a hot piece of metal. Or I would cut my leg with a razor blade. The physical pain would numb out the emotional pain for those moments. I still struggle with those issues when things get overwhelming. As a child that was told not to tell I still can't speak up for myself. So I take the anger out on myself.
    I know others have been abused but I really feel alone with my Self-Injury issues. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. 70% of those with BPD were sexually abused. 30% end up committing suicide.
    I agree with the above part about having a hard time trusting Heavenly Father and the Savior since they are male figures. I no longer see male doctors whenever possible.
    I wish there was more help for the victims in the church. It seems more help is being given to men with porn addictions which is where abuse can start than to the women (and men) that were abused.

  11. Laura
    8:57 pm on August 17th, 2011

    I just want to say thank you for writing and publishing this story. Sadly, I think sometimes as a group church members can be/have been rather naive about abuse, and we really need to be able to see the signs so we can protect ourselves and the children. Thank you for shining some light on this.

    My heart goes out to those who are victims, and I pray you can find the strength and resources you need for recovery.

  12. gayatri kusuma
    10:27 pm on September 4th, 2011

    I thank and love each one of you. Dear sisters..my love for God has increased because of your strength and potential and ability to stand for life that God gave . you are great examples in my life.I dnt have words enough to describe what i have felt and learned..THANK YOU ..SOMUCH..I am really greatful for the choice of publishing this message which brings great awareness and also teaches us to reachout to our sisters…

  13. Joy
    1:36 pm on October 18th, 2011

    I'm taking this opportunity to bring up an issue that is still going unaddressed in LDS church procedure. The practice of requiring young women to submit to bishop's interviews where their sexuality is discussed, either through routine, bi-annual interviews or as a result of sexual transgression, seems very problematic. Under any other circumstances, we would be greatly troubled by a system that fosters discussions on these private matters in an office alone with a man. I don't think the bishop mantle overrides his male bias, nor does it change the added quality of discomfort for the young woman. I have heard and keep hearing, story after story where the interview with a bishop added to the shame of a sexually abused young or mature woman. And when a woman has crossed the line in her own sexual behavior, the confession process is, in many cases, not handled sensitively and she, again, experiences an added measure of trauma that is not a necessary part of the repentance process. I state unequivocally that it does not have to be handled in this way! Surely we can come together and figure out a better system.

  14. Sarah Jane
    5:45 pm on October 29th, 2011

    Stumbling on these 3 accounts, I am so very impressed that someone took the time to listen and help these women and so many more. A great glimmer of hope for me.

    On the outside I am a successful accomplished adult 51 year old woman who appears to have mastered life with confidence. People see me as a dynamic go getter who tackles everything that comes my way with confidence, knowledge, and determination to use my gifts and talents to benefit the lives of others and hopefully lift their level of confidence – especially for women but men too. By the comments of others, I do everything well although truth be told, I am only striving day to day to learn and deploy, to find love and acceptance in my daily life. I joined the church as a young mother and will be forever grateful for the knowledge I have acquired, the Savior, the atonement, and so much more.

    On the inside, my life is very different. I am a woman who never has had a friend. Literally anyone that was near me only wanted something from me, to learn what I have learned, and move on. They left with a new skill but soon after was never heard from again. In an attempt to stop the abuse as a young adolescent, I went to my mother and explained what was happening for ten years. She denied my request for help and then rejected me still to this day. I can track my lack of long standing relationships back to those years. My mother told my siblings as a subject of gossip and they rejected me as well, telling me that I got what I deserved. I struggle with this everyday. I accept the Atonement of course on an academic level but feeling love and acceptance is always beyond my grasp – even the love of the Savior and a Heavenly Father that I know are there.

    I am grateful for a glimmer of hope of healing from these accounts and thankful for the person(s) who listened to those who needed to process the pain and disarray in their hearts and minds in order to get to healing.

    Recognizing my inability to fully heal my own internal lifelong pain, I have sought the assistance of professional and ecclesiastical counsel many times, in and out of the church – over and over again, dismissed. I truly struggle to overcome the internal pain. Healing is always just beyond my grasp as each rejection opens the wound all over again. After a meeting or two on the surface stuff, I am told that as I am doing so well professionally; don't bother wasting my time seeing that I am such a well accomplished, socially functional member of society. I am dismissed yet again with a pat on the back and a well done. More salt for the wounds.

    Hooray for the courage of the Primary President to approach this subject in such a forthright compassionate manner. Those children's lives will be blessed forever.

  15. 珍妮哈奇
    2:23 pm on December 21st, 2011

    I was just searching around the site today and found this post.

    I am a survivor and have dealt with deep sexual wounding from a variety of sources. Twice I received help from beyond the veil at crucial moments when overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts.

    The first incident involved my deceased paternal grandfather, a violent alcoholic, known child molestor, and a man who died before I was born. My brother molested my children and after being confronted and sent to jail, he died of a drug overdose in 2001. He had been my best friend and confidante.

    At his funeral I began to remember, and publicy confronted family members, particularly my uncle. The blowback was overwhelming – I was forced to recant by a threatened lawsuit and the whole family stood with the molester. It was during this time that I was overwhelmed with suicidal ideation and was hospitalized for a few days. My grandfathers spirit visited me during these dark days and told me that the whole family in heaven was aware of what I was doing. He said this would be the biggest challenge of my life, but that they would help me and all of my suffering would be worth it because of the healing that would take place.

    The second incident involved my son, who is now nine. A few months after my hospitalization, I was again overwhelmed with suicidality in january of 2002.

    I was working in my kitchen and battling dark thoughts when a little childs voice said, “You can't kill yourself because I want you to be my Mother.”

    I was floored. I felt like such a basketcase, but figured if someone on the other side believed I could pull myself together enough to give birth and nurture him, maybe I was not disabled as badly as I thought by the overwhelm of my memories.

    These two events were epochs in my journey. It comforted me to no end to visualize the souls of family past and future who were very aware of what was hapening on Earth and that they were helping me and my extended family to bring this disease out into the open to heal it.

    As I have pondered the spiritual comfort that has come by these two men, my grandfather and son, being allowed to connect with me during key moments, It has helped to understand better how we are all connected as families.

    And, during these past ten years of my family digging in ever deeper and not budging an inch around my claims of my Father and his brothers being child molestors, I have gained a measure of strength and patience…quietly waiting for the next step in this journey of healing.

    It has been extremely lonely to be outside of the family circle, and I don't know if resolution will come during my life. But I pray every day for healing for everyone caught in the web of unnatural affection in my extended family and I believe the words of my Grandfather that eventually, it will be worth it to have stood strong in the truth.

  16. EliannaMae
    12:43 am on January 3rd, 2012

    I too am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. How brave it is for these women to have shared their stories! It is so difficult to imagine sharing such a dark past with others.

    Over the last several years of my life memories of past abuse have overwhelmed me. I am effected every day by the abuse of my past, but am hoping to help others through it. I can't imagine going through the pain I have without having it mean something. I pray every day for direction.

    I haven't shared my story with many yet. I hope that sharing their story helped these women in their healing process. They are an inspiration to me and I am sure to many others!

  17. Emboldening Women (Through Story): an interview with Neylan McBaine, founder of the Mormon Women Project | A Motley Vision
    9:52 am on January 27th, 2012

    [...] drummer for the Neon Trees. I am most proud of our forays into the “unspeakable” subjects: our sexual abuse forum, our interviews that discuss eating disorders, infertility, divorce, pornography, homosexuality, [...]

  18. Anonymous 2
    1:38 pm on February 8th, 2012

    I was 5 when I was made to do things to my uncle who was living with us, who had a temper worse than my dad's. He used to take my brother & I out for evening walks, then would send my brother off to buy sweets while making me do things to him. I felt it was wrong, but was scared of him. I eventually told my parents when I was 11 as I knew it was wrong as it made me gag. I was amazed when my parents believed me! They kicked him out & I never spoke to him again. He is now dead & i forgave him, but never got the chance to tell him. But it got worse from then on in. My dad now looked at me in a sexual manner & would touch me intimately, pushing into my room, or following me when I had a bath or went to the toilet. I couldn't get away from it! I used to almost 'come out of my body' as if I was looking down on an event happening to someone else.At 22 I wanted to get baptised & was told to get out! I had nowhere to go, no one to support me, no one to trust. Something inside me told mne I had to keep the family together. When, years later, I had counselling, the psychiatrist suggested it was my fault, that somehow I callaborated with him by staying! I finally plucked up the courage to argue with my dada & I ran to my mum to tell her everything he had been doing to me, only to find out she knew & blamed me, calling me “a whore!”. He had won. I slipped into depression. When I went to marry I had counselling which helped, but I know my soul was damaged, along with my self-esteem. I trust only one person in my life, everyone let's me down, eventually. The only father I have really known is my Heavenly Father, I leant on him & music healed me too. I still have low self- esteem, even though I think I am hardworking, & I somehow punish myself by staying up all hours, surviving, not deserving of sleep. I too took endless exams to try to prove I was worthy of love & a good person. I doubt I will ever learn to love a man completely because I don't feel worthy of love myself. Is there some way I can contact someone in the UK, as I feel counselling from a spiritual perspective would help heal me deeper. 謝謝您

  19. Kristy
    10:02 pm on August 15th, 2012

    I am a 32 year old woman who is seeking healing. I like the lines: “But the truth is that the level of abuse doesn't matter; the response is what matters. I've had clients who have been looked at sexually, without any touching, and it's still horribly traumatic.” As a 10 year old girl I ran into my father's file cabinets of pornography. I had that sick, icky feeling. I felt like I was to blame for snooping in my parents bedroom. I felt horror a couple of years later when my mentally ill mother left us 5 kids (1 son, 4 daughters) with my father and my parents divorced. Comments he would make about other women, my sister's bodies and mine were just too much for me. I managed to hide my fear and anxiety by being the perfect student, church class president, seminary president, school athlete, and quasi mother/housekeeper for my family. My dad would brag to everyone about my accomplishments as his daughter. At 18, thanks to the encouragement of my Laurel Advisor, I got out and went to BYU where I went through a lot of counseling for the divorce, but failed to address the percieved sexual nature between me and my dad. Imagine my horror when I found ponography on my husband's computer as a newly married wife. I talked about it with my husband, but he didn't realize the amount of trauma it caused. I felt like I had to repeat to him how hurt I was. I struggled for years wondering if I should divorce him or not. After 7 years of marriage, I feel he understands. I have felt safe enough to bring a child into our family. Right before my daughter was born I was having reoccurring thoughts of my husband and dad inappropriately touching my daughter as a baby. I went to a member of the stake president. He talked with me and said that it is hard to have a child with someone you don't trust fully. I asked for a blessing. Three months after my baby was born I couldn't stand these thoughts anymore and I searched for a psychologist. It is a year later and I have learned a lot about boundaries and the lack thereof in my family growing up. I still continue to fight my OCD with meds and therapy. I feel I am doing better little by little.

  20. Wanda CW
    8:37 pm on February 7th, 2013

    I too felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at one time.In my younger years the uncle helped with that. He would tell me that if I told anyone at school they would be jealous and tease me (he knew that I was already shuned by my peers because even before he started the sexual abuse my brother and I were being physically, emotionally and mentally abused by both he and my aunt) We came to live with them when our mother died (I was 4, he was 6). What I have come to understand in therapy is that we never had a chance to grieve our mother before we had to learn to adapt to this new abusive environment. How could a child possibly know how to adjust to such? I have very few memories before them but my brother remembers that Mom had a drug addiction and often left us with sitters. He has some bad stories , but nothing like the abuse we suffered at the hands of our aunt and her husband. They beat us for anything and everything. We had to learn quick what our duties were and how to perform them flawlessly and quickly. Most of his abuse was aimed at my brother and much of hers at me. Yet, they both got a kick out of abusing each other in some way also. They both occaisionaly would abuse the opposite kid, and after he knew I was afraid of my aunt he began to molest me. (I still remember every detail of the first night he came into my room; never forgot it) Often he warned me that she wouldn't believe me or would be jealous of me and I knew he was right because of what she did and said when she first found out; even before he knew she knew. Therapy has helped, especially when the therapist was a Christian but in the public sector there are not many and no one stays long enough to do me any good (big turnover rate in government funded clinics). So I take my drugs (first 1 prescribed for depression at 19 just recently 4 for mood disorders), go to church and pray. I'm 51 later this year.I wondered for many years where God was. I glad to know He was always there, but I'm just beginning to trust Him and I don't ever want to get to a point where I fully trust any man. I don't think it necessary to patrol primary classes every 5 minutes though but it is important to educate everyone and avoid one-on-one situations even with Bishop interviews. I have been a member since 1996 and I don't recall my children ever being interviewed alone for anything. This is the first time however It has come to my attention or thought that a member could/would molest children..now I am really disturbed on another level Another thing that came to mind children should never sleep alone with a parent who is missing the other. I remember telling a friend that his 12 year old daughter nor her friend(the daughter of his ex)should not be sleeping with him when they visit. I didn't tell him it's because I believe sometimes this touching could begin in his sleep because he is used to having a woman sleeping next ot him and in his sleep he may just reach over and… So much coming to mind now I'll end here. The feelings confusion questions, worries… just seem as if they will never go away, but understanding agency did help me to forgive the uncle, Heavenly Father, my aunt and the others…

  21. Jacinta
    11:02 pm on March 20th, 2013

    我的叔叔就開始騷擾我,當我是3,一直持續到我17歲,發現有勇氣公開警告他要背過之後,他在家庭聚餐公然撫摸我。 他是如此的厚顏無恥,他會做和說的東西我在其他家庭成員誰也說“這只是托尼”前面。 我不是他唯一的受害者,但據我所知,我是他的時間最長。 一個表哥告訴她的母親後,她在櫃子裡藏。 我媽逼我到他一再無論身在何處我躲在說明我是他最喜歡的侄女 - 難怪! 他是如此自信,他握著我的表妹,4歲,在他的手臂在大家面前,她的衣服藏了他的手在做下面。

    作為一個成年人,我決定去警察局誰問,如果我的表兄弟也是受害者。 我打電話給每一個人,但只有我上面描述的人告訴我她的經驗。 她還做了一個警察的聲明,但採訪他之後的偵探告訴我,有沒有法律的,他可以​​下收取的事件發生時。 他逃脫了這一切。

    雖然我的表兄弟的家人圍繞在她身邊,一旦我的家人知道我去了警察我被排斥,至今沒有被列入家庭聚會,結婚,生育,生日,甚至葬禮,但他是。 我一直告訴我的母親,當她去世,必須有2葬禮,如果我想去的地方。 她的話給我,當我告訴她是“很好,他沒有做,現在,你有什麼問題?”

    沒有我的家庭是教會的成員,只是我。 我參加過35年前和很感激,通過這一切都幫助過我的教誨。 我同意原諒不原諒肇事者,它只是使我們能夠從事件分離出來,以便它不會控制我們的生活。

    我永遠不會考慮我的叔叔是什麼,但一個戀童癖,因為一切的真理,那就是他到底是什麼。 至於我的家人? 那麼,什麼類型的人打開一姐/女兒他們回來,喜歡一個戀童癖的存在?

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